ArcaMax

Hyphenating one child's name when the other children don't have a hyphenated last name seems more cumbersome than giving the child the mother's surname -- nor would it cut down on the questions or explanations as the child moves through life.

Children can adjust to this quite easily: "Two of us have our dad's last name and our baby sister has mom's last name," is all the explanation they need to give.

Dear Amy: My husband and I are having marital problems. He's abusive, controlling and has cheated on me at least five times. He takes any money I get, and doesn't cook or help with our daughter. He is an alcoholic.

I want things to work out, but he doesn't make any effort. I love him so much. I don't want to lose him. He is the love of my life. I've been with him since I was 17 and I'm going to be 21 at the end of the month.

I don't know whether to try and save my marriage, because he hasn't changed. He keeps saying he will, but doesn't. I'm a stay-at-home mom. I don't know what I'd do without him. He doesn't want to go to marriage counseling because he says it doesn't work.

I'd be devastated if we fell apart. He isn't only my husband but my best friend and my other half, all wrapped up in one. I don't think he understands that.

What do I do?

-- Sad Wife

Dear Sad: It is a shame that you love your husband more than you seem to love yourself, or value your daughter's future. Because raising a child in a household with abuse, drinking and cheating will teach her that this is OK. If she thinks that this is OK, then she might choose this for herself, some day. I hope you want a better life for her.

You describe your husband as your best friend. But is this how friends treat one another? No.

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