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Mother worries about communion exclusion

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: My husband's brother and his wife just got divorced after 17 years of marriage and 25 years of being together.

They have three children, who are close cousins to my three children. All the children are under the age of 15. My children love their aunt and uncle, and consider her still their aunt, even though she is no longer married to their uncle. I too consider this woman my family, even though technically she is no longer my sister-in-law.

My daughter's communion is this spring, and this woman is godmother to my little girl. Naturally I want to invite her to the church and dinner afterward, but my brother-in-law forbids it! My husband is inclined to side with his brother and say she is not welcome, and that I need to honor this since it is his family.

My daughter will feel terrible if her godmother is not welcome, and I am also fearful that the cousins will not come if their mother is not welcomed.

Am I wrong in thinking it is OK to invite her, even though they aren't married anymore? Is my husband acting appropriately in telling me it is his call to decide?

We are now fighting over this and it isn't pleasant for anyone.

 

What's appropriate here?

-- Upset

Dear Upset: Your husband and his brother have what could be called the primary relationship in this tough triangle. They grew up in the same household and have longstanding familial loyalties that your husband is anchoring to now. You can imagine that your husband is under some pressure from his brother regarding this event. Sibling loyalty (unfortunately) trumps your close relationship with your sister-in-law.

You can also imagine that, given the breakup of this marriage, she might not be ready to amicably attend a family event alongside her ex.

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