Annie's Mailbox: Chrisnukah
Dear Readers: Today is Christmas, and we wish all our readers joy and peace, and the opportunity to be with family and friends. We also hope you will take a moment to think of those for whom this day may not be so joyful and peaceful, and consider what you may do for them.
Since tonight also is the first night of Chanukah, here is a little bit of humor that's been circulating on the Internet in various forms. Sorry to say, we don't know the author, but we thought you might enjoy it:
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1,300 years.
While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having 12 days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the 15 days of Chrisnukah, as the new holiday is being called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.
In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least 300 years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa, even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came when Oreos were finally declared to be kosher. All sides appeared happy about this development, except for Santa's dentist.
A spokesman for Christmas Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye Faithful."
Dear Annie: I really get tired of hearing and reading complaints about Christmas newsletters. For me, reading newsletters is one of the highlights of the holiday season. The older one gets, the harder it is to keep up with friends and acquaintances from the past. However, that doesn't mean we don't still care about them and wonder how they are doing. Life is so busy these days that we might not call or write these people as often as we should, and those newsletters give us a chance to catch up.
I know newsletters are generally impersonal, but I would much rather get a mass-produced letter with people bragging about their kids and telling me about their trips than a card with just a signature. Very few people these days bother to send a card with a long, personal, handwritten note inside. I sit there and wonder: How are they? How are their kids doing?
So, I want to say keep those newsletters coming, and if you don't like them, don't read them . -- M.R.
Dear M.R.: OK, let's hear it for the other side! We agree that for some folks, those newsletters are a pleasure to receive, and they keep you current with distant friends and relatives whom you would not otherwise contact regularly. Here's a suggestion from us, though, to make those newsletters more palatable -- try to brag less and add some humor. That way, the recipients not only will enjoy them more, but are less likely to be annoyed when you do add those tidbits about Little Johnny's latest gold medal.
"Annie's Mailbox" is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar. This column was originally published in 2016. To find out more about Classic Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit Creators Syndicate at www.creators.com.