Annie's Mailbox: Life Is Good
Dear Annie: I recently saw the results of a survey that said the more work men do around the house the less sex they get. I have seen many comments in your column from women who stated the opposite -- that if a man did more around the house, he might "get more" in the bedroom.
I have always helped out with cooking, mopping floors, doing laundry, cleaning the bathroom, etc., and never once did I consider that the point was more sex. But this information confused me. I mentioned it to my wife, who said, "Sorry."
So, I asked another woman her thoughts on this subject, and she said men would get more sex, but she had a little smile on her face that told me different. Another woman's answer was "maybe, maybe not." So what's up with the conflicting statements? Should I not help out as much? -- Confused Husband
Dear Confused: Cute. No. Like it or not, the amount you help around the house should not be tied to how much sex you get. You should help because it's the right thing to do, and, as a partner in a relationship, you should do your share. If it also makes your partner feel appreciative and less exhausted, that often translates to more sex. But there are so many factors that go into the desire for intimacy that you'd have to discuss it more thoroughly with your wife to find out what she needs and wants from you that will make her feel desirable and interested.
We can guarantee you, though, that if you watch TV while she does all the housework, there is likely to be no sex at all.
Dear Annie: "Tired and Disgusted Other Half" wrote an open letter to her husband, who thought it was funny to criticize her in front of their children and friends. I was married to a man who became increasingly verbally abusive over the years. The last eight years of our marriage were horrible. He put me down in front of our employees and demeaned me about everything from my minor weight gain to my housekeeping and cooking. Then he said his abuse was my fault. I became totally uninterested in him physically, which made him even angrier.
Two therapists told him this was verbal abuse, but he would not listen. We were together for 41 years. He never thought I would have the courage to leave. But two years ago, at age 60, I decided that the thought of spending another 20 years being treated this way was more terrifying than the idea of living on my own.
I left my home and business and lost my financial security. But two years later, I am doing well. It has not been easy, but I get up every morning and am able to look in the mirror with self-respect. -- Life Is Good
Dear Life: It sounds as though you did everything you could to save your marriage, and unfortunately, your husband wasn't willing to do the same. You needed to save yourself, and we are glad your decision to leave worked out so well. If any of our readers feel they are being verbally abused, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) at 1-800-799-SAFE.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of This Classic Annie's Mailbox column was originally published in 2015. To find out more about Classic Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit Creators Syndicate at www.creators.com.