Annie's Mailbox: Bored in New York
Dear Annie: I am 26 years old and have been in a wonderful relationship for four years. "Cody" is my best friend, and we are extremely compatible.
Here's the problem: His sex drive could run circles around mine. Sex is the only way he feels appreciated, loved and needed. Cuddles and kisses don't sate his desire. This puts immense pressure on me to accommodate him, and I'm starting to resent it.
If Cody does something sweet for me, such as taking me to dinner, he will make a casual joke about how I should thank him in the bedroom. I have sat him down before and told him how his comments make me feel and that I don't like the emphasis he puts on sex. He either brushes it off, saying I'm too sensitive, or gets upset and says I should do the things for him that he enjoys.
I love him and want to make him happy, but shouldn't that go both ways? I don't want to feel like sex is his favorite form of currency. Any advice? -- California
Dear California: The fact that Cody likes sex and prefers it to other things is neither unusual nor worrisome. But we don't like the way he brushes off your concerns, blaming you for being "too sensitive." This is an indication that Cody is immature and dismissive of your feelings. Pressuring you is a form of controlling the relationship. You may think Cody is terrific and your best friend, but we think otherwise.
Sexual compatibility issues don't disappear. In fact, they tend to get worse over time, especially when compounded with the other traits Cody displays. If you are determined to stay with Cody, please get couples counseling to see whether you can make this better.
Dear Annie: I am 70 years old, but still enjoy an active life with numerous outdoor activities. My problem is "Ralph," whom I've known for 50 years.
When he has nothing else to do, Ralph phones me to talk ad nauseam about all of his health issues, ailments, pharmaceuticals, etc. He never asks how I'm doing, but immediately starts cataloging his myriad problems, none of which are critical.
I have a few issues myself, but I never discuss them with anyone, because I cannot conceive of anything more boring than listening to someone complain about their aches and pains.
Fortunately, I have Caller ID and can avoid Ralph most of the time. He's a good person and a loyal friend, but this has become an obsession I'd like to remedy. How do I address this with him? -- Bored in New York
Dear Bored: We know many people who enjoy giving "organ recitals," but no one likes to hear them. You need to be honest with Ralph. He probably has no idea how he comes across. Do him a favor and tell him nicely (and with humor, if you can manage it) that his fixation on his health, to the exclusion of everything else, makes a friendly chat difficult and a little depressing. Ask that he limit his complaints to one per conversation so you can discuss other things of interest.
Dear Annie: I am writing in response to the letter from "Logansport," who does not like it when people talk during performances. I, too, find it rude.
I simply ask the talkers, "Don't you like the performance?" And with that, they usually take the hint. I said that to two senior women last month, and though they looked daggers at me, they stopped. After the intermission, however, they moved to another aisle so they could keep talking.
We often hear about how rude young people are today, but I believe these young ones often grow up to be rude senior citizens. -- Danville, Ill.
This Classic Annie's Mailbox column was originally published in 2015. To find out more about Classic Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit Creators Syndicate at www.creators.com.