Ask Anna: Accidental boyfriends, helping friend get back in dating game and an awkward roommate situation

By Anna Pulley, Tribune News Service on

Published in Lifestyles

Dear Anna,

There is a boy I'm seeing by accident. He wants to be with me, but the thing is, I am just not ready for this kind of serious commitment yet. What do I tell him? — Wishy-Washy Wishes

Dear WWW,

How do you start seeing someone "by accident" exactly? Did he slip and fall into your vagina? Is it a COVID situation? Like, you're quarantining together and started banging?

In any case, tell him exactly what you said above (minus any references to accidents). Tell him you like him but you're not ready for a serious commitment. If he's not cool with that, then I suggest you mosey along. But if you tell him how you feel and he's fine with being your winter cuff for now, then enjoy the company. Winter is coming, after all.


Dear Anna,


My friend is dating again after yet another failed relationship. She is in her early 40s, married and divorced once, and now seems to be drawn exclusively to people who are not good for her. One won't meet her in person, even though they've been video dating for months, and she agreed to have a socially distant date. Another ghosted her without a word, after dating four months. How can I help her find a good guy? — Friend Times In The End Times


You can't help your friend find a good guy. You can support your friend as best you can and love her and show up for her and commiserate with her when dudes ghost her or refuse to meet up. In short, you can be a good friend to her, but the work and the mistakes and the trials and errors of dating fall on the person who is dating, i.e., not you.

This isn't to say you can't chime in with well-reasoned advice to the tune of, "Hm, a guy who plays video games every night from 7 p.m. to 5 a.m. might not be the best match for you." But if she goes for him anyway, you gotta suck it up and let her make her own shitty choices. This is how we learn — hopefully, eventually. But for her sake (and yours) I hope she learns sooner rather than later.

In the meantime, I suggest distracting her with a new pandemic hobby. Erotic latch-hook rug making? Online French macaron class? Zumba in your living room'ba? Who knows, maybe she'll meet the dude of her dreams trying to get those finicky pastries to turn out right.

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