Eye See You
Published in Tracy Beckerman
"Honey, have you seen my eyeglasses?" yelled my husband from another room. I sighed. This was not the first time he had lost his glasses, and I knew from past experience that the hunt could take a few minutes or a few days, depending on the blendability of the glasses-to-background ratio.
"Where do you last remember seeing them?" I asked him.
"If I could see them, I wouldn't need your help finding them," he said.
"That's not what I meant," I replied. "I meant, when do you last remember wearing them?"
"You've been missing them since yesterday?" I wondered.
"No. But that's the last time I remember wearing them."
"OK, let's try again," I said. "Where were you the last time you were wearing your glasses?"
"If I knew that, I could find the glasses!"
It used to be that his shoes were the only things that went missing. But those were usually easy to find. They are big and black and were typically under the kitchen table, by the front door or in the dog's mouth. But the glasses are another story. When he found out that he needed glasses a few months ago, he decided to get the frameless variety, aka invisible glasses. They looked great on him, but the problem with invisible glasses is when you take them off, they are invisible. This makes it nearly impossible to find them unless you have an eyeglasses GPS, or a specially trained glasses-sniffing dog, or a psychic wife.
We looked in the usual places: the bedside table, the bathroom sink, the kitchen counter. We looked in the not-so-usual places: inside the refrigerator, ditto the microwave, on the dog. (The dog, by the way, also looked good in the invisible glasses but alas, his eyesight, as far as we could tell, was fine).
At this point I thought it might be time to pull out my secret weapon, otherwise known as "Mamavision." Mamavision is what I had used to see my kids doing something they weren't supposed to when I was in another room. Mamavision is also what I used when the dog did something nasty on the carpet downstairs and I wanted my husband to find it first. Mamavision is kind of like a special radar specific only to moms and fruit bats... and sometimes husbands trying to find the TV remote.
I turned my back to the room and looked at it with my mind. I could see my husband standing in front of the front hall table, which was mirrored. I turned back and strode over to the front hall table and looked down. There, right next to my husband's hand, were his invisible glasses.
"Honey, your glasses are right in front of you," I said.
"Where?" he said, looking around.
I pointed, and then reached out and plucked his glasses off the table.
"Here!" I announced.
"Oh," he said, grinning. "I couldn't see them."
"Why?" I said. "Because they're invisible?"
"No," he replied. "Because I wasn't wearing my glasses."
Tracy Beckerman is the author of the Amazon Bestseller, "Barking at the Moon: A Story of Life, Love, and Kibble," available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble online! You can visit her at www.tracybeckerman.com. To find out more about Tracy Beckerman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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