For Whom the Toilet Paper Rolls


"Can you pick up some more tissues at the supermarket?" I asked my husband.

"I'm not going out right now," he replied. "Just use toilet paper."

I looked at him, aghast.

"I can't do that," I said. "It'll scratch my nose."

"Does it scratch your butt?"



"Then why would it scratch your nose?" he wondered.

"Hmph," I hmphed.

I shook my head. I got that they were both soft paper products, except one came in individual squares and the other came on a roll. However, I still felt that it was necessary to have different products for different parts of the body; the same way that napkins were for meals, and paper towels were for cleaning up. Using them for anything other than their intended purpose would be anarchy. I was pretty sure that if we started to use paper products wantonly and recklessly, a hole would open up in the universe and all the paper products would be sucked into a swirling vortex, leaving us with rocks for toilet paper just like in the caveman days. It wouldn't be pretty, and it would definitely clog the toilets.

I could understand why this was difficult for my husband to see. He was a pragmatic, any-port-in-the-storm kind of guy. Also, I was having a hard enough time getting him to just CHANGE the empty toilet paper roll, much less understand that you don't use the toilet paper to blow your nose.


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