One Appliance to Rule Them All


I have a dryer that doesn't dry. You would think that if you are a household appliance and you only have one job, you should just do it. And yet our dryer seems to have missed the memo and only kind-of-dries in the most minimal way a dryer can dry, which is to say, not really much at all.

I've had petulant appliances before. There was the dishwasher that flooded the kitchen out of spite when I overloaded it, the toaster oven that burnt all the toast and the garage refrigerator that stopped refrigerating when I hit it with the car for the umpteenth time. In the case of the refrigerator, I could understand why it would stop working, but the others just seemed to want to torment me.

"Maybe it's you," said my husband when I went on my latest appliance rant.

"What do you mean it's me?" I replied.

"Well, doesn't it seem like an awfully big coincidence that ALL your appliances would revolt against you?"

"What's your point?"


"Maybe... you have an appliance curse."

"You think I angered an appliance god and they put a whammy on me?" I wondered.

"With you, honey, anything is possible," he retorted.

Naturally, the dryer had stopped working properly pretty much the minute the warranty expired. It seemed to be in cahoots with the vacuum cleaner, which did the same thing. Some people think the world is out to get them. I'm pretty sure the appliances of the world are out to get me. I assume it's some kind of show of solidarity for the time I threw the coffee machine across the kitchen when it shot espresso out instead of down and nailed me and the white shirt I rode in on.


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