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Keeping My Chin Up

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Like many women of my (ahem) mature age, I get daily fashion emails from a website that is geared toward women much younger than me. I'm not sure why I think that articles like "Heels: Is Four Inches Too High?" and "The Return of the Super-Low-Waisted Jeans" would be relevant to a woman in her 50s, except, perhaps, to a woman who is under the delusion that she can still dress like she's in her 20s.

My muffin top begs to differ.

Most of the time when the emails arrive, I glance at the headlines, sigh, and then drag it to my trash folder. But one day a story caught my eye.

It said, "Thirty Chin Basics."

My server wasn't able to download the rest of the story, but I got the gist of what the story was about from the headline.

Was it possible that my 20-something fashion website was throwing us 50-year-olds a bone? Twenty-somethings don't have chin issues. Fifty-somethings have chin issues. From the abundance of chin hairs to the dreaded turkey neck to the sudden onset of multiple chins, my chin had become public enemy No. 1 in my fight against aging.

I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but one day I had a nice tight jawline, and the next, I looked like a not-so-distant relative of a Galapagos tortoise. Suddenly, I understood the meaning of "turtleneck." It wasn't named because the shirt looks like a turtle's neck. It was named because it hides your own turtle neck.

Then there were the chin hairs. The first time one of those suckers appeared, I thought it was an anomaly: an eyebrow hair that fell out of my forehead and reimplanted in a pore on my chin. But as the years passed and more and more of those hairs appeared, I decided that some dormant hair follicle gene from one of my ancestors who lived during the Neolithic period had been awakened and I might be devolving into a yeti. At this point, I was fairly certain that if I were to enter a beard competition, I'd win. Of course, this was not really a dream I had growing up. I was just recently thinking about changing my hairstyle, not growing a goatee.

 

With all these new, unwanted developments, you could see how I'd be excited that the fashion editors were taking the needs of their midlife readers into consideration and offering us some solutions for our midlife chin woes. Heck, we had some discretionary income to throw around at fashionable chin solutions. Bring it on.

Realizing that I was spending more time thinking about my chin issues than I was addressing them, I clicked on the link to the chin article. I scanned the article and saw... absolutely nothing about chins. No clothes for hiding chins. No makeup for hiding chins. No chin basics at all.

Dumbfounded, I looked back up at the top of the article. That's when I realized the headline wasn't "Thirty Chin Basics." It was "Thirty CHIC Basics." And none of those basics had anything to do with chins. I had misread the headline, and, for a moment, I felt pretty stupid. Then I decided there was only one thing to do: Be a grown-up and...

Take it on the chin.

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Tracy Beckerman is the author of the Amazon Bestseller, "Barking at the Moon: A Story of Life, Love, and Kibble," available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble online! You can visit her at www.tracybeckerman.com

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