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10 Simple Questions to Ask Yourself While Getting Dressed

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Recently, I got dressed to ... wait for it ... leave the house and meet someone. It was a casual, professional thing, nothing to dress up for. But, clothes! I have so many, and yet I wear the same three stretchy outfits every week working from home.

I changed three times, settling on jeans and a sparkly, shiny, silver tank top thing with a tie waist. I thought it was festive yet laid back.

"You're wearing your 'going out' top," my husband said. If you lived through the early 2000s, you know exactly what this is. It's a Paris Hilton-adjacent spangled shirt one pairs with jeans for a night on the town, possibly satin, maybe beaded, perchance halter.

I realized it was the middle of the afternoon, probably a little early for glitter. I had no time to change. I had to accept that, while I was once a stylish person, I had forgotten how to dress.

After I posted my sparkle look on Instagram stories, folks replied that they no longer present well in society, either. One tried to wear sequins to an early dinner, and her partner stopped her. "I feel lucky to have a check on my drama as I leave the house," she said.

It's a combination of things, I think. There's the lack of socializing. Folks stopped going to offices. A lot of frontline workers wear uniforms. We are out of practice.

 

But also ... didn't styles change, like, a lot? Am I imagining it? Surely fashion is always evolving, but the millennial/Gen Z divide with jeans and side parts and the word "cheugy" really came down hard this year. The combo of factors has left a populace disoriented and dressing like we are in "The Big Lebowski."

For help, I have formulated a list of questions one should ask oneself after getting dressed, but before leaving the house:

No. 1. What time is it? Is it noon? 5 p.m.? 2 a.m.? Have I slipped through an interdimensional portal where time ceases to be?

No. 2. What type of event am I attending? Client meeting? Date? Tarts and vicars party? Family reunion? Building homes? Learning to windsurf? Receiving an Academy Award?

...continued

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