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"Last night's crowd - God were they horrible. I hate talking about people when they're not here, but they were bad...They got upset when they found out Oprah wasn't giving away new cars!" --David Letterman

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"The oldest bank robber in the United States, a 92-year-old man in Texas, has been sentenced to 12 years in prison. This is what scares me about our prison system. You know with good behavior he could be out and back on the streets by the time he's 98." --Jay Leno

 

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"The government is trying to track terrorists by tricking them into logging onto adult web sites. The good news - they think they caught Bill Clinton." --Craig Kilborn

 

 

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