ArcaMax

Register for your free account:

Subscribe to any feature and receive your newsletter directly in your inbox.
Easy email subscription management.
Claim your rewards from the Reader Perks section!

Click Here to Get Started

Jokes

Excuses, excuses, excuses

on Mar 17, 2020

Published in Jokes

The following were all found in notes written by parents to excuse their children's absences from school.

- Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

- Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

- Please excuse Tom for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

- Irving was absent this morning because he missed his bust.

- Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

- I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

- Please excuse Harriet for missing school yesterday. We forget to get the Sunday paper off the porch. and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

More Jokes

And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say they're funny or they're terrible or they're good, or whatever, but you can just pass 'em by. But with Congress, every ...Read More

Casserole

Jokes / June 09, 2026

Before rushing to work, I prepared a casserole for that evening's dinner and put it in the fridge. As I turned to leave, I told my son to stick it in the oven when he got home from school. "Make sure to put it in at 350," ...Read More

Business Name

Jokes / June 09, 2026

Some of my friends started a company built around an innovative idea for an online business. A debate broke out about what to name the venture. "We have to call it Imagination," one passionate participant cried out.

Names

Jokes / June 09, 2026

George goes to the Birth Registration Office to register his newborn son.

The man behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to the boy, and the father replies: "Euro."

The man says that such a name is not ...Read More

End of the World Headlines

Jokes / June 09, 2026

When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it?

USA Today: WE'RE DEAD

The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS

National Enquirer: JON AND KATE, TOGETHER AGAIN

Microsoft Systems Journal:...Read More

Johnny Knoxville on Kidnapping Brad Pitt, Having a Matching Perm with His Mom & Last Jackass Movie

Jokes / June 08, 2026

Johnny talks about wanting to catch our office raccoon Rollo, his 21st appearance on the show, growing up being terrible at basketball, having a matching perm with his mom, watching her break up a gang fight, his dad’s ...Read More