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"Happy Birthday to Jessica Simpson who turned 25 years old on Sunday. Jessica threw a surprise party for herself - and it worked. She had no idea!" --Jay Leno

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"If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that." --Milton Jones

 

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"I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat." --Marcus Brigstocke


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