After experiencing their third alien abduction, three people (Natasha Lyonne, Kate McKinnon, Cecily Strong) are questioned again by two agents (Aidy Bryant, Mikey Day) at the Pentagon.
Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!
What's a mushroom?
The place they store the school food!
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but ...Read More
A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it.
The man said, "Cure it? I want to prolong it."
Doctor: "Did you take the patient's temperature?"
Nurse: "No. Is it missing?"
Doctor: "Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?"
Nurse: "No change yet."
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How ...Read More
Several scientists were all posed the following question: "What is 2 * 2 ?"
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces "3.99".
The physicist consults his ...Read More
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you: (1) go to lunch or (2) read the paper?