Just because you complain about your country, doesn’t mean you don’t love it. It’s like sports: Fans want their teams to be better, that is why they complain, all right? If the Knicks kicked out every fan who yelled at them to play better, Madison Square Garden would be emptier than Mike Pence’s spice cabinet.
Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!
What's a mushroom?
The place they store the school food!
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass ...Read More
A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it.
The man said, "Cure it? I want to prolong it."
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost "r's" migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car ...Read More
A new doctor had arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody. Everyone was amazed with what he could do - everyone except for Mr. Thompson, the town skeptic.
Grumpy old Mr. Thompson went to visit this 'miracle ...Read More
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the ...Read More
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?