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"A Washington state supreme court has ruled it's illegal for a parent to eavesdrop on their children's phone con- versations without their consent. So the state is telling parents they can't listen to "their" kids on the phone they pay for. And of course, once the kid commits a crime, who does the state blame? The parents." --Jay Leno

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"Today I was walking down 5th Avenue and that apartment building hawk swooped down and snatched my toupee." --Dave Letterman

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My grandpa told me to remember two things in life. Look out for Number One, and remember your number. --Orville Cogswell


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