Because of Colin Mochrie and his sheer and utter improv brilliance, we had to do a Part III. Here's Another Another 15 Times Colin Mochrie Owned, "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Donald Trump was sworn in as president of the United States Friday. That’s right. Basically, we as a nation went from the first season of “Lost” to the last season. As it turns out, we’re all in purgatory. That’s the best-case scenario.
President Obama surprised his White House staffers with a private concert by Bruce Springsteen to thank them for their work over the last eight years. Meanwhile, Trump thanked his supporters with a performance by a Bruce Springsteen cover brand’s drummer’s DJ friend.
A Southern California man has created a dating site exclusively for Trump supporters. It’s a great way for angry white men to meet other angry white men.
Host Aziz Ansari describes how different groups of people have reacted to Donald Trump's election.
Trump likes writing everything by hand and he actually threw away some lines for his speech that he decided not to use. Well, we got a hold of some of them. So check these out: This first line Trump threw away was “Four score and seven bankruptcies ago.” Then he tried, “Read my lips. No new taxes — for me.”
Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him ...Read more
The Windsor Diaries Book One: Victorian ScoundrelStephanie Burkhart
It's 2011 and compressed natural gas has taken over from the coal producing steam machines of the Victorian Age. Alice Windsor, Princess of York, follows her cousin, Prince Edmund of Wales back to the past and 1851 for Britain's Great Exhibition. Alice soon discovers ...
An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator.
The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what the man wanted.
"You must mean the lift," he said.
"No," the American responded. "If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator."
"Well," the portiere answered, "over here we call them lifts".
"Now you ...Read more
- When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
- The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it ...Read more
As a new school principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking over his school on the first day.
Passing the stockroom, he was startled to see the door wide open and teachers bustling in and out, carrying off books and supplies in preparation for the arrival of students the next day. The school where he had been a Principal the previous year had used a ...Read more
"Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity."
~ Frank Leahy
"What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left."
~ Oscar Levant
"It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to- day basis."
~ Margaret Bonnano
It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more ...Read more
My Mother taught me LOGIC... "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."
My Mother taught me MEDICINE... "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD... "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"
My Mother taught ...Read more
What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah?
A: A dog that chases cars - and catches them!
What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
You can step in a poodle!
What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear?
What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion?
A terrified postman!
What happened to the dog that ...Read more
As chaplain in a university residence hall, I am supposed to uphold all of the school rules, which include a ban on pets. That changed when a kitten adopted me.
The freshmen in my dorm kept my secret. They covered for me by calling my kitten "the Book," since I had so many in my room.
One morning I was leaving the dorm with the kitten in a ...Read more
On their anniversary night, the husband sat his wife sat down in the den with her favorite magazine, turned on the soft reading lamp, slipped off her shoes, patted and propped her feet and announced that he was preparing dinner all by himself.
"How romantic!" she thought.
Two-and-a-half hours later, she was still waiting for dinner to be ...Read more
If Noah had lived in the United States today the story may have gone something like this:
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am ...Read more
A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his community. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back "Revelation 3:20" and stuck it in the door. The next day, as he was ...Read more
Simply get a new bar of soap and paint it with clear nail varnish.
Let it dry and place it out to be used.