If Noah had lived in the United States today the story may have gone something like this:
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am ...Read more
A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his community. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back "Revelation 3:20" and stuck it in the door. The next day, as he was ...Read more
Simply get a new bar of soap and paint it with clear nail varnish.
Let it dry and place it out to be used.
- It's impossible to believe that the sperm that created you beat out 1,000,000 others.
- The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
- If you were any more stupid, you'd have to be watered twice a week.
- The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
- When your IQ reaches 50, you should sell.
- You ...Read more
Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.
One says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?"
The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."
"What do you call it?"
"We call it a football wedding."
The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"
The ...Read more
So Trump might want to put in some more hours just to get his popularity up. He’s got the lowest approval rating of any incoming president in modern history. But, hey, it’s not a popularity contest. And neither was the election.
A Russian billionaire reportedly paid over $4 million to have Mariah Carey and Sir Elton John perform at his teenage granddaughter’s wedding. Said his teenage granddaughter, “Who are these people?”
Donald Trump said after he’s sworn into office on Friday, he’s going to take the weekend off. Unless, of course, he has to deal with a national emergency or a “Saturday Night Live” sketch. It could go either way.
The Mystery of Jessica BensonC.K. Laurence
Jessica Benson is hot, beautiful, bisexual and dead. Her life and death intersects the drama of a professional football team and the detectives who are on the case. The author has been a student of crime activity and weaves an exciting story of mystery and intrigue, ...
Pity our poor PEOTUS, he thinks Presidents get weekends off.
On Sunday, a Facebook Live video of Pittsburgh Steelers coach Mike Tomlin trash talking the New England Patriots went viral. But Patriots coach Bill Belichick didn’t seem too bothered by it, telling a Boston radio station, quote, “I’m not on SnapFace and all that.” SnapFace?
After teaching high school for nearly 20 years, I thought I'd heard every possible excuse for missing homework until one parent sent me this note: "Please excuse Lori for not having her algebra homework. The cat had kittens on it last night."
Lars asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a canoe?"
"No, I don't," said Ole.
"A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars.
Neurotics build castles in the sky.
Psychotics live in them.
Psychiatrists collect the rent.
A boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air.
The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to him, "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarette packet, that smoking is injurious to your health!"
The boy replies back: "I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."
A funeral procession is going up a steep hill on main street when the door of the hearse flies open, the coffin falls out, speeds down main street into a pharmacy and crashes into the counter. The lids pops open and the deceased says to the astonished pharmacist, "You got anything to stop this coffin?"
Honest Trailers - Maleficent
Right now, Donald Trump has 40 percent favorable, whereas on his Inauguration Day, Barack Obama’s favorability rating was 79 percent. But he was the first black president, and if America’s known for anything, it’s giving black men the benefit of the doubt.
A female zebra shark in Australia has shocked researchers by developing the ability to produce offspring asexually, after spending time away from her male partner. And she says that so far he’s buying it!
It’s expected to rain in Washington during Donald Trump’s inauguration. In response, Donald Trump tweeted, “The sky is rigged.”
It's President Obama's last week and he's determined to protect his entire legacy. Republicans are just as determined to make his entire legacy that time he wore mom jeans.