Humor

/

Entertainment

Missing Homework

Humor / Jokes /

After teaching high school for nearly 20 years, I thought I'd heard every possible excuse for missing homework until one parent sent me this note: "Please excuse Lori for not having her algebra homework. The cat had kittens on it last night."

Castles

Humor / Jokes /

Neurotics build castles in the sky.
Psychotics live in them.
Psychiatrists collect the rent.

Propeller

Humor / Jokes /

What's the purpose of the propeller? To keep the pilot cool. If you don't think so, just stop it and watch him sweat!

Funeral Procession

Humor / Jokes /

A funeral procession is going up a steep hill on main street when the door of the hearse flies open, the coffin falls out, speeds down main street into a pharmacy and crashes into the counter. The lids pops open and the deceased says to the astonished pharmacist, "You got anything to stop this coffin?"

One Over Cabin

Humor / Jokes /

What is the integral of "one over cabin" with respect to "cabin"?

Answer: Natural log cabin + c = houseboat.

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

According to The Hollywood Reporter, the salacious new book on the inner workings of the Trump White House is set to become a TV series. They’re calling it ‘The Worst Wing.’

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

It has come out that President Trump enjoys eating cheeseburgers in bed. He likes to eat cheeseburgers in bed — which explains why Melania likes to go to bed disguised as a salad.

Conan O'Brien

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

When she arrived (former adult-film star known as Stormy Daniels who claimes she had an affair with President Trump in 2006), he was wearing sweatpants, and they ended up eating in his hotel room. Sweatpants, eating in the bedroom: Even back then he was preparing for the presidency.

entertainment/humor/jokes/s-2040746">Read more

#MeToo Backlash - Full Frontal on TBS

Humor / Jokes /

Women speaking out has finally led to men speaking about how unfair it was that the women got to speak in the first place.

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

A lot of people were very skeptical when they heard that Trump only weighs 239 pounds. But it actually checks out when you remember that for the weigh-in, Trump took off his clothes and his hair.

Jimmy Fallon

Vacation

Humor / Jokes /

Darla had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went.

"Pretty good, I think," replied Darla, "but if I go to work there I won't get a vacation until I'm married."

Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing. "Is that what they told you?"

"No", replied Darla, "but right on the application ...Read more

Management Lesson

Humor / Jokes /

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?".

The crow answered: Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson?

To be ...Read more

For The Kids...

Humor / Jokes /

How do you make milk shake?
Give it a good scare!

Do you know the time?
No, we haven't met yet!

What sleeps at the bottom of the sea?
A kipper!

What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck!

What soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
Seasoned troopers!

Did you hear about the man who had BO on ...Read more

For The Kids...

Humor / Jokes /

What do witches eat at Halloween?
Spooketti, halloweenies, devils food cake and booberry pie!

What's Dracula's car called?
A mobile blood unit!

What do you call a hairy beast with clothes on?
A wear-wolf!

Why did the witch go over the mountain?
Because she couldn't go under it!

Why didn't the skeleton want to play ...Read more

For The Kids...

Humor / Jokes /

Doctor, Doctor I keep painting myself gold
Don't worry it's just a gilt complex!

Doctor, Doctor I've broken my arm in two places
Well don't go back there again then!

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a dog.
How long have you felt like this?
Ever since I was a puppy!

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pack of cards.
I'll deal ...Read more

Rowan Atkinson learning kung fu

Humor / Jokes /

Rowan Atkinson learning kung fu

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

A brothel in Nevada has announced it will start accepting the digital currency Bitcoin as a form of payment, because there’s a huge market for people who understand Bitcoin and also can’t get laid.

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

President Trump’s doctor predicted that the president will have and live a long life. As a result, the doctor’s now treating Melania Trump for depression.

Conan O'Brien

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

O.K., with the president being 6’3”, 239, according to the body mass index by the federal Health and Human Services Department, Trump is overweight and just one pound shy of obesity. One pound short of being obese! That’s awfully convenient. ‘Listen, doc, I don’t want to be obese. But I feel like this wad of cash is about one pound. ...Read more

Donald Trump Is Somehow Healthy: The Daily Show

Humor / Jokes /

The official White House physician lists President Trump as being in "excellent" health despite reported fast food binges and memory loss.

 

Social Connections

Comics

Darrin Bell Red and Rover For Heaven's Sake Diamond Lil Zack Hill Cul de Sac