Humor

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Entertainment

Saigon

Humor / Jokes /

There was a young man from Saigon

Whose limericks were two lines long.

Not Me Your Honor

Humor / Jokes /

A rabbi and his two friends, a priest and a minister, played poker for small stakes once a week. The only problem was that they lived in a very conservative blue-law town. The sheriff raided their game and took all three before the local judge.

After listening to the sheriff's story, the judge sternly inquired of the priest: "Were you gambling,...Read more

For The Kids...

Humor / Jokes /

"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"

"One dollar." answered little Johnny

"You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."

English Lecture

Humor / Jokes /

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

Stop redundancy

Humor / Jokes /

The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time.

Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it would not be nor confusing.

So their first ...Read more

Physical Problems

Humor / Jokes /

A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom Salts one hour before breakfast. At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better.

The man said that he actually felt worse. "Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?" the Doc ...Read more

NCAA Basketball Players

Humor / Jokes /

How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but he gets money, a car, and three college credit hours for it!

Stop

Humor / Jokes /

When do you stop at GREEN and go at RED?

When you're eating a watermelon!

Deer

Humor / Jokes /

What do you call a deer with no eye?

No eye deer

What do you call a deer with no eye and no leg

Still no eye deer

Differences

Humor / Jokes /

Whats the difference between an elephant and a flea?

A elephant can have fleas but fleas can't have elephants

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

Congratulations to Greta Van Susteren on her new, show “For the Record.” If you remember, for years, her old show on Fox News was called “On the Record.” Because “for” the record, she no longer believes anything she said that was “on” the record. I look forward to seeing her future CNN show, “Please Erase the Record.”

...Read more

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

According to reports, a group of buyers led by Jeb Bush and Derek Jeter has won the auction to purchase the Miami Marlins. Jeter is excited to get back to baseball, while Jeb is excited to get back to losing.

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

A new study says that the first humans to arrive in what is now North America may have been Neanderthals. Apparently they came here to vote in the 2016 election.

Conan O'Brien

"President Trump" Crashes The Daily Show: The Daily Show

Humor / Jokes /

Donald Trump (Anthony Atamanuik) of The President Show explains how he'll pay for his U.S.-Mexico border wall, reform taxes and make Comedy Central great again.

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

It looks like Derek Jeter and Jeb Bush will be buying the Miami Marlins. That’s right, one guy who could’ve been president — and Jeb Bush.

Jimmy Fallon

Don't Touch Me

Humor / Jokes /

An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me."

"Why not?" he asks.

She answers back, "Because I'm dead."

The husband says, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another."

She says, "No, I'm ...Read more

20 Tons of Canaries

Humor / Jokes /

There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot.

When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and...Read more

Obituary

Humor / Jokes /

Janie had just become a widow and needed to put an obituary in the paper about her late husband, Bubba. She called the newspaper and asked, "How much does it cost to put an obituary in the paper?"

"The cost is $0.50 per word," said the newspaper editor.

Janie said, "Fine, please print: 'Bubba died'."

The startled newspaper editor explained ...Read more

Quick Quotes

Humor / Jokes /

"According to the energy department, high gas prices may be around for the next six months. After that they'll be followed by really high gas prices." --Jay Leno

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"President Bush has pledged to grant millions of dollars in tax breaks to national casino companies rushing to rebuild casinos along the Gulf Coast, giving residents who ...Read more

And Yet Another Lawyer Joke...

Humor / Jokes /

The priest was instructing a class of third- graders at All Saints grammar school.

"There were two brothers, and one of them chose the wicked path of Satan. The brother was evil and corrupt and did great damage to many people, and wound up a convicted criminal in a tiny, dark cell.

"But the other brother studied hard and became a great, rich, ...Read more

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