Famous quotes: The right interpretation
When Malala Yousafzai said, "One child, one teacher, one book, one pen, can change the world," she was supporting Betsy DeVos's position that teachers don't need money for all those extra school supplies.
When Lincoln said, "Let us have faith that right makes might," he was expressing his hope that Republicans would advocate heavy defense spending.
When Confucius supposedly said, "Our greatest glory is rising when we fall," he meant that when police officers tase suspects to the ground, they are doing them a favor, since these people will find glory when they arise.
When God expelled Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden, he was making the indelible point that deportation is the proper punishment for those who break the law.
When Barack Obama said, "We are the change that we seek," he was saying panhandling is good. What a lazy, entitled socialist slacker.
When Lincoln reportedly said, "America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves," he meant the smartest people are conservative because they ... um ... OK, actually he meant exactly what he said.
Gene Weingarten can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow him on Twitter, @geneweingarten. Chat with him online Tuesdays at noon Eastern at www.washingtonpost.com.
(c) 2019, The Washington Post Writers Group