Humor

/

Entertainment

Gene checks out the New Bae in town

Gene Weingarten on

Me: I will admit that the taste is slightly different, and I am very slightly less revolted by New Bae than I am by Old Bay, but I can't really back you if you are a copycat product. So please tell me why you are not. I promise to be really gullible. Now, to begin with, do you feel New Bae tastes like dandruff from corpses and rust from toilet fixtures?

Bill: Well, we're not marketing it that way.

Me: Good, good! We're halfway there. Now how else are you different?

Bill: We are more complex and fiery tasting. But most important, New Bae is a fully organic product and Old Bay isn't. No pesticides and chemicals are used in growing our products. Plus, Old Bay is in a plastic container and ours is glass. Glass is inert. There's no chance that it transfers chemicals to the product.

Me: So Old Bay kills people!

Bill: I don't believe that.

Me: Work with me here, Bill.

Bill: I don't necessarily believe that.

Me: Good job. I am going with you guys. But I have one demand. It does me no good if your very similar product kills Old Bay but takes over the same mammoth market and spreads just as widely. Then I will have to hate you, too. So do you promise to accept only reasonable profits -- perhaps enough to buy a Swiss chalet or two, but not, say, the entire island of Tahiti -- by not getting greedy? Do you promise to limit your reach and your spread? To not become just as much of an impossible-to-avoid blight on the human palate?

 

Bill: Business can be a driver for good. ...

Me: Work with me here, Bill!

Bill: I promise.

Me: We're good to go.

========

Gene Weingarten can be reached at weingarten@washpost.com. Follow him on Twitter, @geneweingarten. Chat with him online Tuesdays at noon Eastern at www.washingtonpost.com.

(c) 2019, The Washington Post Writers Group

 

Comments

blog comments powered by Disqus
 

Social Connections

Comics

Momma Carpe Diem Agnes One Big Happy Wumo Chip Bok