Rhymes against humanity
WASHINGTON -- Today, again, I write for you a number of short "pokes,"
The term I coined for poems that retell some stale old jokes.
To those who say it's lowbrow stuff, I answer in defiance:
You'll find that every poke below is fully based on science.
Helix the Catty
What mean the letters "DNA"? I asked a science guy.
"Deoxyribonucleic acid" he said, in quick reply.
Then I asked my smartass friend, over a libation --
With a smirk, he said: the "National Dyslexics Association."
Into a tavern drifts an infectious disease
And orders a beer and some yogurt and toast.
The bartender thunders, "Get out of here, please."
The pathogen sniffs, "Well, you're not a good host."
An Uplifting Experience
A biochemist was reading a book about helium
She found it while searching the bookstores in town.
Goosebumps it gave her, on her epithelium.
The problem, she said: "I could not put it down."
A Headline for This
A medical researcher went to her shrink
And said that her co-workers all seem to think
That she is too literal, and that it's a flaw,
"At me they laugh and they grin and guffaw."
"And how do you feel?" he inquired of her.
"Why, through monoamine neurotransmitters, sir."
The Beer Paradox
An infinite number of mathematicians
Walked into a bar on one recent night,
And, under the strangest of barroom conditions,
What followed quite nearly became a big fight.
"I'll have a pint," said the first to the 'tender.
"I'll have a half," said the next fellow down.
"I'll have a quarter," said the third (no big spender).
"Give me an eighth," said the next, like a clown.
The bartender fumed -- He was 'bout to flail
But finally stopped the men, went to the spout
Drew up two pints, set them down at the rail.
Said "Enough of this nonsense -- you all work it out."
Gene Weingarten can be reached at email@example.com. Follow him on Twitter, @geneweingarten. Chat with him online Tuesdays at noon Eastern at www.washingtonpost.com.
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