WASHINGTON -- Wasn't it great when a disgruntled Twitter contractor, in what was presumably his or her final act on the job, deleted Donald Trump's account? Many people looked back with gratitude at the blessed 11 minutes of silence that ensued before the sedition was discovered and reversed. Me, I found myself looking ahead: What other emotionally satisfying, seditious final acts -- coined "byejinks" by online commenter Brad Levy -- could accompany one's last day on the job?
With a little help from some friends, I came up with a few:
Comcast employee: Call in to the boss, giving him a "four-hour window" during which he can expect you to show up for work, unless you wind up not coming in at all, in which case you can reschedule for tomorrow.
Magician's assistant: When you are being "sawed in half," crawl out of your little half-box and explain that you got a nasty cramp squeezing in there.
ESL teacher: Teach your students the wrong word for common objects and expressions. Examples: "Butter" (equal sign) "butt." "Where is the bathroom?" (equal sign) "Please salivate on my shoes."
Sausage-factory worker: Make a video of the process and post it online.
Electronics factory worker: Go to the roof of the building, drop 5,000 microphones off it, and walk away.
Starbucks barista: Write your resignation letter to the boss on the side of a cup. Spell his name wrong.
Stripper: Perform your last dance, start to finish, in a burqa.
Uber driver: Whatever their actual destinations, drop all your fares off at the local Uber headquarters.