The Gospel According to Donald
A Social Security Administration report that "Donald" is the most popular boys' name in 2016, and that Barack sank from No. 1,050 to No. 7,000,000,006.
A letter from Frederick Douglass thanking Trump for his compliment and for making sure black people don't get into college too easily, which would spoil them.
A Rasmussen poll showing his support at 77 percent ... stripped of the notation indicating the poll was taken in Alabama.
A report from the American Library Association saying that certain books are self-immolating in solidarity with Trump, including Hillary's "What Happened."
An announcement from the Washington Nationals that they are replacing the Racing Presidents with the Racing 45s. Four Trumps, so he'll win so much we'll all be sick of it!
A report that the latest fashion trend is neckties hanging to the crotch.
A report that nutritionists have changed the healthy BMI to whatever Trump's is.
A report that, by popular demand, the United States is considering introducing droit de seigneur.
A note from Brigitte Macron telling Trump what good shape he's in.
A letter from "scientists all over the world" thanking Trump for accurately predicting the Aug. 21 solar eclipse and for making it cross most of the United States so a lot of Americans can see it.
A flyer from Macy's saying Presidents' Day sales have been moved to Trump's birthday.
A lollipop for getting to the end of the "propaganda document."
Gene Weingarten can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow him on Twitter, @geneweingarten. Chat with him online Tuesdays at noon Eastern at www.washingtonpost.com.
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