Less is more
WASHINGTON -- These are difficult times. We often find ourselves facing hard choices between unappealing alternatives: A flawed Obamacare or no Obamacare? Stick with Trump or shift to Pence? It is time to think positively about it all, and find some solace in the concept of choosing the lesser of two evils. To wit:
Eyelid twitch vs. accidental trigger of the gag reflex
I have to go with the gag reflex, even though it is deeply uncomfortable and mildly alarming and could even make you vomit. But it's my choice because of a strange disquiet the onset of the twitch brings to me, and will soon bring to you, because of something I know and you probably didn't. That little annoying tugging can sometimes be the presenting symptom of Lou Gehrig's disease. You're welcome!
Office Christmas party vs. the neighborhood barbecue
The barbecue, because if you get drunk and clumsily hit on the hostess, pee into the flower bed and pass out facedown, you will still have a job.
Treason by intent vs. treason by incompetence
Ask yourself this: Would you rather lose a foot because the surgeon made a boneheaded mistake or because he wanted to maim you and steal your girlfriend? The results are identically awful, but at least with the second one, the bad guy will rot in jail. Same for treason by intent.
Facebook vs. LinkedIn
Facebook can be really annoying in that it seems to be based on a 10-year-old's idea of friendship, and because it is filled with pointless prolixity and banality from boring people. But LinkedIn is one of the most obnoxious corners of the Web that specialize in annoying everyone with a hemorrhage of unwanted and dishonest emails. Facebook is the lesser evil simply because anything is better than LinkedIn. Trump may be better than LinkedIn.
Garlic salt vs. Old Bay Seasoning