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Heaven help us

Gene Weingarten on

Q: Why?

A: Because Jews and Christians know there is only one God. And He cannot have tusks and a trunk, because He made man in his own image, out of dust and mud, and then made woman out of the man's rib. So the whole elephant thing is obviously just completely preposterous.

Q: Why isn't anyone named Job or Ham or Japheth or Abishag anymore?

A: Because those names sound stupid. Today we name our children Skylar, Jazlyn, Kaydence and Bristol.

Q: If Adam and Eve had only Cain and Abel, how did other generations happen?

A: Everyone's forgotten about Jazlyn.

Q: Why are you so down on creationism?

A: Because it is an anagram for "I note racism."

Q: Do you think evolution is inconsistent with the possible existence of God?

A: Theoretically, no. An all-powerful God could, of course, set evolution in motion. But it would mean a God who then completely washed his hands of us.

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