I have been down on my back for eight weeks, with more to come. I never thought I would say this, but take me to "General Hospital."
For weeks, I have been in "No Mercy Hospital." There is no perky Liz. My nurse went to the "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" Nurse Ratched hospital.
"I know it is time for your pain medication, but I am going on my break. Suck it up." She goes on her break. I am in agony. I ring my "need help" buzzer. Twenty minutes later, in comes the nurse's aide.
Some of these overworked, underpaid folks are truly wonderful; they would get five stars from Clara Barton. Today, I have the "I hate my job, I hate you, I do not want to be here" nurse's aides. I do not blame them. They have to change soiled diapers, clean up vomit, change beds, lift up over 200-pound patients and do the laundry. I would not be chipper either.
The nurse's aide who came in my room gave me the "What do you want now?" look.
"I need my medication."
"I will tell your nurse."
Oh, no. An hour later, the nurse sashays in.
"What do you want?"
"My pain medication."
"Do you know what it is?"
"I know it starts with a 'w' and ends with 'a.'"
"That is no help."
In comes Florence Nightingale. "The pharmacy does not have it. I will call the doctor."
Oh, no, not the drive-by doctor. This place has the worst doctor. He comes into the room, glances at you and asks you something. I start to reply, but he is gone and not to be seen again, like Bobby Martin.
In "All My Children," Martin's dad, Joe, sent him to fetch some skiing gear in the attic. He was never seen in the show again. No one ever asked where he was or mentioned his name. "Where is Bobby Martin?" became a running soap opera joke. But down in the real world, when having nerve pain, nothing is a joke.
Stephen Schnetzer (Cass on "Another World") is perhaps one of the nicest guys inside or outside of show business. He has a new independent film coming out, "A Case of Blue." He plays a guy named Richard. Ladies, he has a nude scene. He told Soap Digest it was not a big deal. He got completely naked for the crew.
To find out more about Lynda Hirsch and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.Copyright 2021 Creators Syndicate Inc.