Asexual Latter-day Saints face an added dilemma: Finding their place in a tradition focused on marriage

Further, the church oversees “singles only” congregations known as singles wards in many areas and encourages attendees to date. And while LDS childbirth rates are on the decline, members of the faith still have more children than their peers. On average, middle-aged Latter-day Saints have had 3.4 kids, compared with the national average of 2.1.

A recent research essay that Brandley co-wrote with rhetoric scholar Leland Spencer uses data from interviews and online posts to study how Latter-day Saint ace people navigate romantic and sexual pressures toward marriage. Many participants reported hearing frequent anti-queer messages from religious leadership and family members, which sometimes led them to internalize shame and self-hatred.

One participant recalled a missionary telling them that their lack of interest in sex or children “is proof that I’m apparently under demonic influence” and that their “asexuality is evidence of the devil working in my life.”

Yet other ace members feel more comfortable in church environments. For example, another participant said she has never “gotten that kind of pressure that other people get,” such as questions from leaders inquiring, “Who are you dating? When are you going to get married?”

These drastically different experiences can, in part, be connected to how congregations are run. Local wards do not have paid, formally trained clergy; instead, members volunteer for various “callings,” such as teaching religious classes or serving as a bishop. This leads to local leaders having room to approach various challenges based on their personal preference, which some members refer to as “leadership roulette.” One bishop may approach issues around gender and sexuality differently than another.

Some ace Latter-day Saints also face difficulties due to religious messages shared by their families. In Brandley and Spencer’s research interviews, most participants reported that their families did not discuss sex, or that when they did, they emphasized rejecting sexuality. As young people reached adulthood, it felt jarring for their families to suddenly start emphasizing the importance of having children.

Given these unique cultural and religious values around dating and marriage, many ace Latter-day Saints can feel stuck, lonely and even traumatized.

One ace participant shared how being raised in Utah LDS culture made her feel pressure to date in order to be the quintessential Mormon woman. She shared, “I forced myself into situations” that felt unsafe, and left wishing “I had listened to myself.”

Research suggests that some queer Latter-day Saints do try to embrace both these aspects of their identities. There are signs in recent years that more leaders and members of the church, especially millennials, want to create more accepting congregations.

Yet for now, when queer Latter-day Saints feel welcomed and affirmed, it is in spite of the dominant interpretation of the church’s doctrine.

Many church members who describe themselves as experiencing same-sex attraction assert that they are not gay or queer, according to a 2019 psychology study. Another study found that 53% of queer LDS respondents had abandoned their religious identity, which may suggest how unwelcome they felt. And one doctoral dissertation found that 86% of the LGBTQ Mormon respondents would likely meet the criteria to be diagnosed with PTSD.

The Latter-day Saints church preaches for its adherents to abandon prejudice and have love for everyone. Yet embracing asexual people as they are, and embracing the kind of love that they experience, seems to be a challenge to that commitment.

This article is republished from The Conversation, an independent nonprofit news site dedicated to sharing ideas from academic experts. It was written by: ben Brandley, Arizona State University and Loretta LeMaster, Arizona State University. If you found it interesting, you could subscribe to our weekly newsletter.

The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.