Business activities will change forever
Bad news, bub: Everything you know about working is wrong.
Well, maybe not everything. You still have to suck up to your boss, and it still is something of a positive if your mother is the CEO of the company, but the simple day-to-day, hour-to-hour behavior that was essential to success has changed.
If you doubt me, ask William Arruda.
Arruda is the author of "7 Business Activities That May Change Forever as a Result of the Coronavirus," a recent post on Forbes.
"Businesses are re-thinking common workplace activities," he writes, which is sure to be a surprise to those of us who thought our businesses never thought at all. As for the seven changes to expect, what follows is a change you'd never expect: You might actually learn something from reading this column.
No. 1: Greetings
The handshake is history -- bad news for those of us who have spent years developing a frail flounder grip that says, "I guess I have to meet you, but I really don't want to." The elbow bump is a contender to replace the handshake, but frankly, the only reason to raise your elbow is if the end of your arm is attached to a growler of well-hopped IPA.
A bow works well in East Asian countries, and the double- or even triple-kiss is very chic in Europe, but I doubt you have much of a passion for bowing to your HR rep or triple-kissing your IT nerd. This leaves only one perfect substitute: the executive curtsy.
To show respect to your managers, you will need to go full "Downton Abbey." Be the first in your team to humble yourself by genuflecting deeply when your supervisor comes into the room. Just be prepared. Going down is easy, but you will want to have several husky co-workers nearby to help you get up.
No. 2: In-Person Meetings