Happy New Job
You've made your New Year's resolutions. Congrats!
Now, what are the odds you'll follow through with even one?
Remember your 2017 resolution to eat healthy? That went bust 350 Chalupa Supremes and 15 pounds ago. And don't forget your resolution to devote one day a week to charitable endeavors. That flopped big time -- unless you consider watching football all weekend on an 88-inch 4K Ultra HD TV with High Dynamic Range a charity. (And it just might be, if you're a Cleveland Browns fan.)
But there's still time to turn it around. In the precious few days of 2017, you can still fulfill a resolution you've been making since you graduated from high school -- to get a new job that pays really well and requires absolutely no effort on your part.
This is where Suzanne Gelb comes in. Gelb recently published "20 Career-Boosting Steps You Can Take Before New Year's Eve" on The Muse website. I don't have the space to share all 20 career-boosters, but I am happy to provide a smattering. After all, it was my 2017 resolution to help you with your career. With 51columns behind me, and no improvement in sight, this could be my last chance.
The No. 1 action step is simple. "Write down your wins."
Fortunately, you won't have to waste endless hours evaluating and prioritizing your wins. Unless you include the Tupperware container full of half-moldy oatmeal-raisin cookies you found in the breakroom fridge, you don't have any.
No. 2 is "Congratulate Someone on Their Career Success." Indeed. Congratulate your manager on her extreme good fortune in working with an employee like you. Together, you've demonstrated your manager's ability to work with the mentally unhinged. This is a very useful skill as she rises up in the company and has to spend more time with corporate leaders.
"Redesign Your Professional Materials" is career-booster No. 3. I do like Gelb's suggestion to "order beautiful new business cards," but use the occasion to give yourself a beautiful name, as well. Start using a subtle pseudonym, like Anita Promotion, or Iwanna Raise. Or give yourself a rapper name, like The Meltdown, or Total Loser One. You may be surprised to learn your co-workers have been calling you these names for years.
Prepare for the deluge of New Year new job interviews with "Learn How to Answer the Most Common Interview Questions." Be especially careful to include devious, trick questions, like "How are you?" and "Did you have any trouble finding our offices?"