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Dr. Sylvia Rimm spent years researching gifted children, as well as those considered to be underachievers. Her studies have resulted in books, ...
Read more about Sylvia Rimm.
Dr. Sylvia Rimm spent years researching gifted children, as well as those considered to be underachievers. Her studies have resulted in books, ...
Read more about Sylvia Rimm.
Family has Heated Arguments about Toy Weapons
Sylvia Rimm
Q. My 10-year-old nephew has ADHD. He takes medication for it and his
parents are usually vigilant about his behavior, but there is
something my brother-in-law and I don't agree on.
While staying at their house one weekend, the boy struck me in the crotch several times with his toy sword, and it was hard enough not to be fun (if you catch my drift). He also took his suction-cup dart gun and shot it at my face a few times. I've seen those things cause eye damage when kids take off the suction cups and shoot them in people's faces.
During a heated argument, I told his father he shouldn't be giving his kid a toy weapon to play with, particularly when he has ADHD and is hyperactive. My brother-in-law completely disagreed, but I think you'd have to be crazy to give those things to a kid who is hyperactive and frequently hits people with things. He almost attacked me with a rake while doing yard work.
Do you think it's appropriate to give toy weapons to kids with ADHD?
A. Given the examples of aggressive behavior you shared with me about your nephew's behavior, the easy and obvious answer is "no, he shouldn't be playing with weapons." Actually, parents should be cautious about violent toys with all children. So ADHD or not, I'd rather see kids play with toys and games that aren't violence oriented, and I prefer that high-energy kids funnel their energy and aggression toward sports.
A nice feature of sports is that it includes rules of good sportsmanship that are universal. Sports teach kids about competition, cooperation, perseverance, friendship and goal setting. Furthermore, there are so many varieties of sports activities to choose from -- even children with just a little talent can find a niche for themselves.
Violent video games and TV programs are also worrisome. I don't think it's crucial or even possible for kids to avoid all on-screen violence, but minimizing exposure to violence should surely prevent some aggressive behavior among children. There is plenty of research evidence that shows TV violence is as predictive of aggressive behavior as cigarette smoking is of lung cancer. I don't need to say more than that.
Now having said all that, I'm still not sure of how you can convince parents who "are vigilant about (their son's) behavior" that weapons aren't appropriate toys for their son. Most important, however, is that you don't discuss this difference of opinion within their son's hearing. Or dad will be likely to feel he must save face and won't add these new rules to help guide his son for fear it will appear he lost an argument to you. No doubt his son will advance the arguments he's heard his dad give to you.
For free newsletters about violence in video games, bullying, or the book "Growing Up Too Fast," send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below.
Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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This news arrived on: 10/04/2009
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Posted Comments:
10-05-2009 23:03
wrote:
kids with adhd playing with toy weapons
i agree and i disagree. i say that cause i have 2 boys that have adhd and add. if the kids are watched by the parents and shown how to play with the toys fine but if not no kids should not be allowed to have those toys to play with.
10-05-2009 18:54
Cheryl Westphal wrote:
ADHD :appropriate toys,activities,etc.
Cont.,Enough Background,this is what I have learned. My resources are: American Medical Association,American Psychiatric Association,his PCP&therapist,WebMD,&good old fashioned common sense. I choose to go without medication,for now,it is my choice & he is a full-time job but we don't fully understand what those drugs do to a young, growing brain. An aggressive child should not have play guns,knives,swords this is according to the American Psychiatric Association(APA). They need a very structured/ routine schedule & life. They need consistency, most children function better with these 3 things anyway. They should not be allowed to watch tv, play video games,or on the computer for more than 2 hours/day. I also read from the APA if a child watches 2 hours of today's cartoons they can see up to 8,000 violent events! UNBELIEVABLE,but it is a reliable source. Fortunately my son still likes to play outside, as long as he can(until it starts getting dark or too cold)he still likes to ride his bicycle,find rocks,play ball,play with friends. He also loves to swim. Right now, he goes to school,he is still swimming,& he has started ice-skating the past 2 months,he is doing great & he loves it,he learns so fast. I have read from Dr. Sears,he&his wife have 8 children&they have been around for a long time,I have also read from Dr. Rosemond & James Dobson. I have learned alot, & somedays at the end of the day I ask myself can I do this? Then I wake up the next morning rejuvenated&remember I could only have 1 child,1 precious little boy, I tell him he is the BEST PRESENT GOD EVER GAVE ME & I keep trying,reading,listening,praying,& loving my MIRACLE BABY. I hope this info will help someone. I have learned so much more,but I wanted to say some of the most important ones, thanks for listening & God be with you. Cheryl
10-05-2009 18:29
Cheryl Westphal wrote:
ADHD :appropriate toys,activities,etc.
Hello, My name is Cheryl I am a RN & I have a beautiful,sweet,compassionate,empathetic,smart(I could add more but I won't:) 7 year old little boy. He is a textbook case of ADHD, he has the 3 Hallmark signs: lack of impulse control, hyperactivity, inability to stay still-constant motion,fidgeting,jumping,etc. He too has an agressive side at times. As I mentioned he is very smart,we are pretty sure he has a photographic memory & his grades have never suffered,that too is usually a Hallmark sign. The past 3 years friends & family have told me he's "too hyper,he needs medicine,he has ADD or ADHD-some think they are the same, they are not. I did not want to put him on medicine,I also refused the diagnosis. I have put hours,days, reading,researching,studying,taking him to the doctor,talking to the doctor. What I am trying to tell you is I have studied ADHD in-depth,along with consulting with his physician. This is what I have learned. Even when he was young before his hyperactivity& the other symptoms became so obvious,I did not allow him to have "toy"weapons ie:guns,swords,knives,& he did not watch tv until he was 3,a friend I worked with said:"Cheryl buy your baby some movies", so I did. That was all I let him watch until he was about 5. Then I did let him start watching some cartoons & my they have changed. I can't believe some of what they call cartoons today. His Dad&I are divorced & I cannot control what goes on when he is with his Dad. He spends time with his son but they do watch alot of tv.
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