What the "E-Word" Means to Women

SAN DIEGO -- The other day, I found myself wanting the perspective of a woman about a brouhaha in Washington involving a U.S. senator and the former head of the Central Intelligence Agency. So I called up an old college friend who now leads one of the largest nonprofit organizations in the country and asked her if it is inherently sexist for a man to use the "e-word" to describe a woman or whether it depends on context.

I wasn't trying to be glib. We all have limits to our perspective based on our background and the portal through which we watch the world pass by. As a man, I could consider the case either way. But as a woman, my friend sees it only one way.

First came the "ick factor." This was actually the third accomplished woman with whom I'd shared this story that day. Earlier, there was the vice chancellor of a top university and later a Republican strategist. When I got to the part about the e-word, all three women gasped.

"It's inherently sexist," my friend at the nonprofit insisted. "Because you never say that about a man. It's only about a woman."

The e-word is "emotional." If a man cries or shows his emotions, i.e. House Speaker John Boehner, we say that he is "sensitive" or "sentimental." Those words don't carry the same negative connotation as "emotional," which implies that your feelings are running rampant and you've lost control.

So is it good or bad for elected leaders and other public figures to wear their emotions on their sleeve? It depends.

"People love to see their leaders in pain," my friend said. "They want to see some emotion. Men can get away with it. People see them as strong and powerful, and yet still human."

But it's a different standard with women.

"You're damned if you do, and damned if you don't," she said. "Sometimes, it's said that certain women are not emotional enough. And that's also a problem."

At the moment, my problem is that I feel compelled to defend a Democratic lawmaker with whom I usually disagree on policy issues, and add my voice to a chorus of opportunistic Democratic politicians who are eagerly using a dumb comment by someone who served in a Republican administration to feed the unfair narrative that the GOP is engaged in a "war on women."

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