'Uncoupling' Words from Harsh Reality
"Conscious uncoupling." Is that even a thing?
The odd coupling of those two words has put an unusual bright spotlight on the announcement that Oscar-winning actor Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband, Chris Martin of the rock band Coldplay, are pulling the plug on their marriage.
Even odder is their plea for privacy. "We have always conducted our relationship privately," says the announcement on Goop.com, Paltrow's website, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and coparent, we will be able to continue in the same manner."
"Privately?" Nice try. But in the age of the Worldwide 24/7 Celebrity News Monster, the couple's painfully euphemistic "conscious uncoupling" after 10 years of marriage and two children ignited worldwide headlines -- and ridicule.
From a couple already widely known for annoying surprises, such as naming their daughter Apple and mommy's website Goop, "conscious uncoupling" threw new catnip to commentators.
The clever Web geeks at Slate even created a new widget on which you, too, can input your name and romantic status to find out how Gwyneth might Goopify you, if she had the opportunity. (I'm "purposefully bound," it turned out. I can't wait to tell my wife.)
The wish for privacy seems even more unlikely in light of how the term "conscious uncoupling" has been around for years, including in the title of a five-week break-up therapy program by author and psychotherapist Katherine Woodward Thomas.
Below her announcement, Paltrow's website offers a lengthy essay on the concept by doctors Dr. Habib Sadeghi, who has written earlier for Goop, and his wife, Dr. Sherry Sami. They describe "conscious uncoupling" as "the ability to understand that every irritation and argument (within a marriage) was a signal to look inside ourselves and identify a negative internal object that needed healing."
"From this perspective, there are no bad guys, just two people," they say, "it's about people as individuals, not just the relationship."
The doctors also cite rising divorce rates to contend that, "human beings haven't been able to fully adapt to our skyrocketing life expectancy. Our biology and psychology aren't set up to be with one person for four, five or six decades."
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