Section 2 of 8 - Table of Contents
DICAEOPOLIS And how long was he replacing his dress? AMBASSADOR The whole period of a full moon; after which he returned to his palace; then he entertained us and had us served with oxen roasted whole in an oven. DICAEOPOLIS Who ever saw an oxen baked in an oven? What a lie! AMBASSADOR On my honour, he also had us served with a bird three times as large as Cleonymus,[1] and called the Boaster. f[1] Cleonymus was an Athenian general of exceptionally tall stature; Aristophanes incessantly rallies him for his cowardice; he had cast away his buckler in a fight. DICAEOPOLIS And do we give you two drachmae, that you should treat us to all this humbug? AMBASSADOR We are bringing to you Pseudartabas[1], the King's Eye. f[1] A name borne by certain officials of the King of Persia. The actor of this part wore a mask, fitted with a single eye of great size. DICAEOPOLIS I would a crow might pluck out thine with his beak, you cursed ambassador! HERALD The King's Eye! DICAEOPOLIS Eh! Great Gods! Friend, with thy great eye, round like the hole through which the oarsman passes his sweep, you have the air of a galley doubling a cape to gain port. AMBASSADOR Come, Pseudartabas, give forth the message for the Athenians with which you were charged by the Great King. PSEUDARTABAS Jartaman exarx 'anapissonia satra.[1] f[1] Jargon, no doubt meaningless in all languages. AMBASSADOR Do you understand what he says? DICAEOPOLIS By Apollo, not I! AMBASSADOR (TO THE PRYTANES) He says that the Great King will send you gold. Come, utter the word 'gold' louder and more distinctly. PSEUDARTABAS Thou shalt not have gold, thou gaping-arsed Ionian.[1] f[1] The Persians styled all Greeks 'Ionians' without distinction; here the Athenians are intended. DICAEOPOLIS Ah! may the gods forgive me, but that is clear enough! AMBASSADOR What does he say? DICAEOPOLIS That the Ionians are debauchees and idiots, if they expect to receive gold from the barbarians. AMBASSADOR Not so, he speaks of medimni[1] of gold. f[1] A Greek measure, containing about six modii. DICAEOPOLIS What medimni? Thou are but a great braggart; but get your way; I will find out the truth by myself. Come now, answer me clearly, if you do not wish me to dye your skin red. Will the Great King send us gold? (PSEUDARTABAS MAKES A NEGATIVE SIGN.) Then our ambassadors are seeking to deceive us? (PSEUDARTABAS SIGNS AFFIRMATIVELY.) These fellows make signs like any Greek; I am sure that they are nothing but Athenians. Oh! ho! I recognize one of these eunuchs; it is Clisthenes, the son of Sibyrtius.[1] Behold the effrontery of this shaven rump! How! great baboon, with such a beard do you seek to play the eunuch to us? And this other one? Is it not Straton? f[1] Noted for his extreme ugliness and his obscenity. Aristophanes frequently holds him to scorn in his comedies. HERALD Silence! Let all be seated. The Senate invites the King's Eye to the Prytaneum.[1] f[1] Ambassadors were entertained there at the public expense. DICAEOPOLIS Is this not sufficient to drive one to hang oneself? Here I stand chilled to the bone, whilst the doors of the Prytaneum fly wide open to lodge such rascals. But I will do something great and bold. Where is Amphitheus? Come and speak with me. AMPHITHEUS Here I am. DICAEOPOLIS Take these eight drachmae and go and conclude a truce with the Lacedaemonians for me, my wife and my children; I leave you free, my dear citizens, to send out embassies and to stand gaping in the air. HERALD Bring in Theorus, who has returned from the Court of Sitalces.[1] f[1] King of Thrace. THEORUS I am here. DICAEOPOLIS Another humbug! THEORUS We should not have remained long in Thrace... DICAEOPOLIS Forsooth, no, if you had not been well paid. THEORUS ...if the country had not been covered with snow; the rivers were ice-bound at the time that Theognis[1] brought out his tragedy here; during the whole of that time I was holding my own with Sitalces, cup in hand; and, in truth, he adored you to such a degree, that he wrote on the walls, "How beautiful are the Athenians!" His son, to whom we gave the freedom of the city, burned with desire to come here and eat chitterlings at the feast of the Apaturia;[2] he prayed his father to come to the aid of his new country and Sitalces swore on his goblet that he would succour us with such a host that the Athenians would exclaim, "What a cloud of grasshoppers!" f[1] The tragic poet. f[2] A feast lasting three days and celebrated during the month Pyanepsion (November). The Greek word contains the suggestion of fraud. DICAEOPOLIS May I die if I believe a word of what you tell us! Excepting the grasshoppers, there is not a grain of truth in it all! THEORUS And he has sent you the most warlike soldiers of all Thrace. DICAEOPOLIS Now we shall begin to see clearly. HERALD Come hither, Thracians, whom Theorus brought. DICAEOPOLIS What plague have we here? THEORUS 'Tis the host of the Odomanti.[1] f[1] A Thracian tribe from the right bank of the Strymon. DICAEOPOLIS Of the Odomanti? Tell me what it means. Who has mutilated them like this? THEORUS If they are given a wage of two drachmae, they will put all Boeotia[1] to fire and sword. f[1] The Boeotians were the allies of Sparta. DICAEOPOLIS Two drachmae to those circumcised hounds! Groan aloud, ye people of rowers, bulwark of Athens! Ah! great gods! I am undone; these Odomanti are robbing me of my garlic![1] Will you give me back my garlic? f[1] Dicaeopolis had brought a clove of garlic with him to eat during the Assembly. THEORUS Oh! wretched man! do not go near them; they have eaten garlic[1]. f[1] Garlic was given to game-cocks, before setting them at each other, to give them pluck for the fight. DICAEOPOLIS Prytanes, will you let me be treated in this manner, in my own country and by barbarians? But I oppose the discussion of paying a wage to the Thracians; I announce an omen; I have just felt a drop of rain.[1] f[1] At the lest unfavourable omen, the sitting of the Assembly was declared at an end. HERALD Let the Thracians withdraw and return the day after tomorrow; the Prytanes declare the sitting at an end. DICAEOPOLIS Ye gods, what garlic I have lost! But here comes Amphitheus returned from Lacedaemon. Welcome, Amphitheus. AMPHITHEUS No, there is no welcome for me and I fly as fast as I can, for I am pursued by the Acharnians. DICAEOPOLIS Why, what has happened? AMPHITHEUS I was hurrying to bring your treaty of truce, but some old dotards from Acharnae[1] got scent of the thing; they are veterans of Marathon, tough as oak or maple, of which they are made for sure--rough and ruthless. They all started a-crying: "Wretch! you are the bearer of a treaty, and the enemy has only just cut our vines!" Meanwhile they were gathering stones in their cloaks, so I fled and they ran after me shouting. f[1] The deme of Acharnae was largely inhabited by charcoal-burners, who supplied the city with fuel. DICAEOPOLIS Let 'em shout as much as they please! But HAVE you brought me a treaty? AMPHITHEUS Most certainly, here are three samples to select from,[1] this one is five years old; take it and taste. f[1] He presents them in the form of wines contained in three separate skins. DICAEOPOLIS Faugh! AMPHITHEUS Well? DICAEOPOLIS It does not please me; it smells of pitch and of the ships they are fitting out.[1] f[1] Meaning, preparations for war. AMPHITHEUS Here is another, ten years old; taste it. DICAEOPOLIS It smells strongly of the delegates, who go around the towns to chide the allies for their slowness.[1] f[1] Meaning, securing allies for the continuance of the war. AMPHITHEUS This last is a truce of thirty years, both on sea and land. DICAEOPOLIS Oh! by Bacchus! what a bouquet! It has the aroma of nectar and ambrosia; this does not say to us, "Provision yourselves for three days." But it lisps the gentle numbers, "Go whither you will."[1] I accept it, ratify it, drink it at one draught and consign the Acharnians to limbo. Freed from the war and its ills, I shall keep the Dionysia[2] in the country. f[1] When Athens sent forth an army, the soldiers were usually ordered to assemble at some particular spot with provisions for three days. f[2] These feasts were also called the Anthesteria or Lenaea; the Lenaem was a temple to Bacchus, erected outside the city. They took place during the month Anthesterion (February). AMPHITHEUS And I shall run away, for I'm mortally afraid of the Acharnians. CHORUS This way all! Let us follow our man; we will demand him of everyone we meet; the public weal makes his seizure imperative. Ho, there! tell me which way the bearer of the truce has gone; he has escaped us, he has disappeared. Curse old age! When I was young, in the days when I followed Phayllus,[1] running with a sack of coals on my back, this wretch would not have eluded my pursuit, let him be as swift as he will; but now my limbs are stiff; old Lacratides[2] feels his legs are weighty and the traitor escapes me. No, no, let us follow him; old Acharnians like ourselves shall not be set at naught by a scoundrel, who has dared, great gods! to conclude a truce, when I wanted the war continued with double fury in order to avenge my ruined lands. No mercy for our foes until I have pierced their hearts like sharp reed, so that they dare never again ravage my vineyards. Come, let us seek the rascal; let us look everywhere, carrying our stones in our hands; let us hunt him from place to place until we trap him; I could never, never tire of the delight of stoning him.Prev Next All
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