Stay-at-home parent and author of two books Christine Louise Hohlbaum
with her two children.
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Stay at Home Parenting: Are you Ready?
Hugh Spain, ArcaMax Publishing Editor
While it is more acceptable in today's day and age for both parents to
enter the workforce, many parents are embracing the opportunity to
stay at home with their children and work.
If the idea interests you, you should enjoy today's featured parenting expert -- author of two books and PR guru Christine Louise Hohlbaum. Hohlbaum has been featured on NPR, in the Boston Globe Magazine, Better Homes and Gardens, Pregnancy and Woman's Day magazines.
We also feature an interactive, and fun, quiz intended to test a parent if they are ready for the stay-at-home working lifestyle.
How long have you been a stay-at-home, and still working, mother?
Whether a mother works for pay or not, I believe all mothers are working mothers. As for my case, I started writing after my second child was five weeks old. Before that I worked part-time as a host family coordinator for an international language school. I still can't believe I worked at an investment firm for several years before having children. Once my daughter was born, I saw how impossible it was to juggle both child and career.
Tell us about the books you have written?
Diary of a Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff looks at the transition from being an Ivy League-educated career women to a full-time wife and mother of two little kids. The experience was so overwhelming that I did the only thing I know to do when I'm stressed about something: to write. It started out as an e-mail to friends and family. I had a funny experience at the doctor's office and wanted to share how basic my life had become. The resonance was so astounding I knew I was on to something.
SAHM I Am: Tales of a Stay-at-Home Mom in Europe starts where Diary of a Mother leaves off. My husband lost his job in the process of my writing Diary, and we moved to Germany before it could be finished. I couldn't leave my readers hanging so I wrote a sequel, SAHM I Am (not the one by Meredith Efkin!). It was recently translated into German and will come out this fall.
What were the challenges you faced in becoming a stay-at-home mother?
What was I going to do all day? How could I feel constructive and worthy? So many of us wrap our identities up in what we do, not who we are. It was a real process for me to step back and reevaluate my priorities. The end result was a total shift in my career and my thinking. Now I get to play with my kids when I want to and write at night. Given the time zone difference between Germany and the U.S., editors are still at their desks at 10 pm my time!
Did you receive any resistance from family on the idea?
My immediate family has always been very supportive. Some were concerned about my revealing too much about my kids and about how they might feel as they grow older. I have been respectful of that and have stopped writing so much about them and more about other topics.
What are the challenges you face today?
Something always gets short shrift. Either it's my husband, my work or myself. The kids get a lot of my attention, which is great at their ages (5 & 7). I do PR writing, provide PR consultations for book authors and small businesses, and coach professionals on their presentation skills. With so many balls in the air, there are days I wonder how I will do it all. The largest challenge is not wearing myself out. I'm an innately curious human being and some days I take on more than I can handle.
How do you deal with these challenges?
I've learned to bellow out resounding 'no's' to opportunities, even if they are great ones. For everything there is a season and I have come to realize how much more effective we are when we scale back our activities and let ourselves breathe.
How do you keep your kids occupied while you work at home?
It took many years of practice, but now they know when not to disturb me.
"I'm doing a radio show taping on the phone now, guys! Do not disturb me unless you are bleeding or you smell smoke!" I also fit in a lot of work time when they are either at school or asleep. Occasionally, I'm on deadline and have to work while they're banging around downstairs. They say being bilingual helps you deal with distraction better!
What if a parent wants to stay at home? How does a parent know if he or she can even afford it?
I spoke on this topic on NPR a while back.
In a nutshell, you need to compile a list of costs versus earnings. Health insurance, commute, dry cleaning and childcare are major considerations when calculating if you can afford it. The other is the emotional cost, which only you can determine.
What pitfalls should parents look for when deciding to quit their jobs and stay home with the kids?
Choosing to stay home with your children and leave your job is quite a personal decision. There have been many talking heads that have fueled the so-called Mommy Wars that pit stay-at-home parents against working ones, which I find to be a ridiculous waste of energy. It is more helpful to consider the following factors when choosing to stay at home (personally, I like being my own boss. As a freelance writer working from home, I enjoy the flexibility of being there for the kids without the hassle of coordinating schedules).
Questions to ask yourself include:
--How much adult contact do you require? If you require a daily dose, you may have to find creative ways to get the contact you would like. It is not impossible, but it will require a certain amount of initiative on your part. Also consider what type of interactions you need. If it's enough to chat with your neighbor on the stoop, great! If you want loads of intellectual stimulation, you may need to think about whether you are positioned to have that, too.
--Will you be a more relaxed parent after being home all day or do you require an office environment? Some parents admit they follow the "distance makes the heart grow fonder" axiom with their children. Do you need a chance to 'miss' your kids? Staying at home with them all day may not be for you. Do you mind consistent interruption? If yes, going back to work might be the better option.
--Are you comfortable financially? Of course, you need to consider your finances. Money issues can quickly turn into marital ones, so be sure to consult your spouse when making the decision to stay home.
--How will you manifest the acknowledgement and recognition you need in life? A good friend of mine once said parenting is a one way street -- you give and the kids take. It's set up that way! If you don't expect a 'thank you' for every effort you make, you'll love to stay home! You can find recognition in other ways such as volunteering, hosting a party or enjoying time with good friends.
How can a parent stay connected with people without feeling isolated all the time at home?
Join a group of like-minded people. They don't necessarily need to be parents, although that helps. I cherish my childless friends as much as the ones with kids. They offer a unique insight into life. Remember to have fun and to spend time by yourself. It will help you regenerate for those times your kids need you most.
About Hohlbaum: Christine Louise Hohlbaum is the official Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) expert for ClubMom, an award-winning American writer and author of "Diary of a Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff" (2003), "SAHM I Am: Tales of a Stay-at-Home Mom in Europe" (2005), and the CD-Rom, "The Author's Companion: A Self-Guided Course on Book Promotion" (2005). Hohlbaum has been published in hundreds of media publications, and she has been featured on radio. She obtained her combined master's degree in International Relations, German and English Literature. Hohlbaum invites readers to subscribe to her weekly parenting newsletter at Diary of a Mother.com and visit authors companion.com for a full listing of her PR services.
Editor's Note: ArcaMax welcomes reader comments on this topic and we will publish selected comments here in this ezine. Use our write-the-editor form to share your experiences, comments and tips for other parents.
This news arrived on: 07/13/2006
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