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"Outside the Box" Parenting Techniques
John K. Rosemond
As regular readers of this column know, my advice tends toward the
"psychologically incorrect" end of the spectrum. As a consequence, I
frequently receive anecdotes from parents who solved their children's
behavior problems by thinking outside the box.
For example, a mother recently wrote me, hoping her story would help other parents whose kids know how to use the toilet, but refuse to use it for bowel movements. When it came time for a poop, her toddler would go off and hide. She writes, "We tried every reward and punishment we could think of, but to no avail. Then, my father suggested that we had yet to find the one thing that mattered most to our son. Dad said it would have to be something he loved most in the world. I knew what that was, so the next time he pooped in his pants, I threw his beloved Mr. Bunny (his favorite stuffed animal since birth) in the top of his closet, telling him he would get it back when he started pooping in the potty. I felt like the cruelest mother in the world, mind you, and sure enough, he screamed bloody murder. But I held my ground. The next time he had what you call an 'on purpose,' I tossed his blankie (his next most favorite thing) in the closet. He screamed like he was being tortured, but he never pooped in his pants again. My dad's pretty wise, don't you think?"
Yes, I do. Is he interested in ghost-writing some columns for me? Another mother shares how she solved her 4-year-old son's fear of the dark and fear of being left alone. He would not go into dark areas of the house, although he knew how to turn on lights, and he would constantly follow his mother around the house, driving her more than slightly bonkers in the process. "He even wanted to come into the bathroom with me when I needed to use the toilet," she writes. Finally, Mom put her son on my celebrated "Three Strikes, You're Out!" program. He was penalized a strike every time he followed her, refused to follow an instruction that required going into a darkened area of the home, or acted fearful in any way. The first two strikes of the day were free, but the third resulted in him spending the rest of the day in his well-lit room and going to bed one hour early. Mom reports that it took three days for him to bring his fears under control.
Another creative mother reports that immediately after her fifth birthday, her daughter came down with oppositional defiant disorder. One morning, in the midst of an especially outrageous episode, Mom asked, "What is the best way to show Mommy and Daddy that you love us?"
The daughter answered, "By giving you lots of hugs and kisses!"
Mom said, "Nope! You're wrong! You show us that you love us by obeying us. Now, go pick up your toys and tidy up the living room."
The daughter picked up her toys and tidied up the living room. Since things were going so well, Mom continued to assign tasks, and every time the little girl obeyed, she would say "Child! You do indeed love your Mama!"
Mom reports that there have been times since when her daughter has acted like she was about to defy an instruction, but "it looks like a light bulb comes on in her head and she does what I've told her to do."
Thanks to these moms for three great and inspiring stories of thinking outside the box when it comes to discipline.
Copyright 2008, John K. Rosemond
*About the Author: Rosemond has written nine best-selling parenting books and is one of America's busiest and most popular speakers, known for his sound advice, humor and easy, relaxed, engaging style. In the past few years, John has appeared on numerous national television programs including 20/20, Good Morning America, The View, Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect, Public Eye, The Today Show, CNN, and CBS Later Today.
Click here to visit Rosemond's Web site, www.rosemond.com.
This news arrived on: 09/26/2008
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Posted Comments:
09-27-2008 10:35
DJones wrote:
Fearful child
With regard to your website, I think that most are right on. However, to the mother who had a fearful 4 year old child and forced the child to 'control' his fears by putting him in his room all day, I have to disagree. The child is not controlling his fears. He his now keeping them inside himself. Is that healthy? Give the child one or two more years of patience and he will outgrow his fears. The mother could instead go with the child into dark areas.
I'm the mother of 5 children. One was a fearful child. Our God-given duty as parents is to teach our children in a loving manner. The technique she used left me feeling alone and worse, afraid in my loneliness. I'm majoring in Early Childhood development and I suggest to all parents, put yourself in your child's shoes when you discipline or educate. We are all better parents when we do this one thing.
I'm the mother of 5 children. One was a fearful child. Our God-given duty as parents is to teach our children in a loving manner. The technique she used left me feeling alone and worse, afraid in my loneliness. I'm majoring in Early Childhood development and I suggest to all parents, put yourself in your child's shoes when you discipline or educate. We are all better parents when we do this one thing.
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