Parents - Sylvia Rimm On Raising Kids: It’s Time For Your Son To Work

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Sylvia Rimm On Raising Kids: It’s Time For Your Son To Work

Sylvia Rimm

Q. I'm sure you have heard this all before. My 18-year-old son has just finished high school. He has managed to graduate with about a 57 average. We encouraged technical courses, as we felt that he was not academically interested (smart kid but hates paperwork). Even in those he managed to only scrape by because of poor homework habits. He is now lost without a future. The armed forces are out of the question. He is not interested at all. I feel so very bad for him. All of his friends are going off to college this fall, and I fear that he will continue to give up on life. He watches TV and plays video games all the time. He isn’t athletic, and his only interests are music and guitar, but he is not good enough to make a career out of music. Absolutely everything that my husband and I have suggested is immediately rejected. My heart breaks to see such a lovely young man without direction. He is bright, articulate and a decent fellow. How can we help him?

A. While you need not give up on your directionless son, it is time for him to learn to cope with the real world. He cannot make a living playing video games or watching TV, so it is time to start work somewhere. You need to be clear to him that he must find a job and even contribute some of his salary for room and board until he finds a place to move to. You should also expect some real help around the house. He needs a timeline to meet those expectations or a consequence, like leaving home if he does not. I know that sounds harsh, but it is realistic.

If the job he finds is boring and hard, so much the better. He may discover that paperwork and study, or at least developing a skill, are much better alternatives. Don't feel too sorry for him as his friends go off to universities. He had that choice and still has it. If he decides he wants more schooling and is willing to work at it, a community college can provide him with a fresh start. Watching his friends go off to college could actually inspire him. There is also always a chance that he will meet someone he really cares about who believes in him and inspires him to find some direction for himself.

An evaluation and counseling can also help your son to understand his strengths, interests and abilities, and a counselor can assist him in setting directions for his future. The counselor could also guide your son on how to continue his education appropriately.

For free newsletters about how education pays off for the rest of your life and helping students choose a college, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or visit www.sylviarimm.com for more parenting information.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

This news arrived on: 07/20/2008

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