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To Spank or Not to Spank
John K. Rosemond
Thankfully, the media paid next to no attention to the fact that last
April 30 was End Spanking Day as proclaimed by a group calling itself
End Physical Punishment of Children, or EPOCH. My former graduate
school advisor and continuing mentor forwarded to me an email from one
of EPOCH's members . As you will see, facts don't matter to these
folks. They don't like the idea of spanking children; therefore,
spanking is bad. They could be dismissed as just another bunch of
people with too much time on their hands if it weren't for the fact
that EPOCH has had minor success in their attempts to persuade
activist judges and state legislators-most recently, one in
California-to make unconstitutional rulings from the bench and
introduce bills that would outlaw parental spanking in the USA. It
obviously matters not to the zealots at EPOCH that child abuse
actually increased in Sweden after the passage of laws banning
parental spanking.
It rarely fails that when I open the floor for questions at a speaking engagement, someone will ask if I believe in spanking. My response is always that whereas I do not believe in it in the sense of promoting it, I do feel there are times when a spanking is the optimal response to certain misbehaviors. Over the years, I've written several columns in which I've said essentially the same thing, and those columns never fail to provoke near hysteria among the usual suspects. They accuse me of "promoting child abuse" and other absurdities.
Unfortunately for us all, the cultural debate over whether to spank or not to spank has devolved into a shouting match between extremists. On the right, we have folks who believe that God insists that parents spank. Having done considerable research into the various uses of the word "rod" in the Bible and consulted with Old Testament scholars, I can say with confidence that when used in the context of the discipline of children, "rod" is clearly a metaphor. It does not exclude spankings, nor does it prescribe them. Saying that, however, apparently convinces some folks that I'm an agent of Satan.
On the left, we have people who believe that a swat to a child's rear teaches that hitting is okay and is child abuse of the most egregious kind. The fact is, research done by people who have no ideological axe to grind clearly supports the view that occasional spankings cause no psychological harm. One long-term study of parenting outcomes, regarded as one of the best in the field, found that children who are occasionally spanked score significantly higher on measures of well-being and adjustment than children who have never been spanked. (Please note the emphasis on the word "occasional.") The research also finds that spankings work best with young children, and lose their effect after age 5.
And so, with that introduction, the rest of the story: The parents of a 22-month-old child recently wrote to tell me that after eight months of frustration over his habit of biting, they had solved it in two weeks by, yes, spanking him. Up to that point, they had justified his biting by saying "He doesn't bite hard, he never breaks the skin, and he hugs after he bites as if to say he's sorry." They finally came to the realization that if he knows it's wrong to bite, then he's old enough to control it. So they began spanking his bare bottom when he bit. He had three spankings in one day and then one or two the next week. "End of problem," his mother wrote.
Sometimes, fire is best fought with fire.
Copyright 2008, John K. Rosemond
*About the Author: Rosemond has written nine best-selling parenting books and is one of America's busiest and most popular speakers, known for his sound advice, humor and easy, relaxed, engaging style. In the past few years, John has appeared on numerous national television programs including 20/20, Good Morning America, The View, Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect, Public Eye, The Today Show, CNN, and CBS Later Today.
Click here to visit Rosemond's Web site, www.rosemond.com.
This news arrived on: 06/27/2008
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Posted Comments:
06-29-2008 00:37
child counsellor and mother... wrote:
spanking
How sad and disappointing that a so called respected expert in child rearing endorses an approach that, if we were to use it on a stranger, might result in an assault charge. As long as we resort to physical punishments or threats of it as a way to control our childrens' behaviors, we continue to create societies that learn to resolve conflict and power struggles with violence.
In my nearly 30 years of child and family counselling, I have yet to meet a parent whose action of physical discipline or threat of it is not driven by anger and frustration .. which invalidates the argument that there is a place for spanking as long as it is not done in anger.
Children who are spanked may appear to comply, but the potential cost in emotional consequences is far too high.
In my nearly 30 years of child and family counselling, I have yet to meet a parent whose action of physical discipline or threat of it is not driven by anger and frustration .. which invalidates the argument that there is a place for spanking as long as it is not done in anger.
Children who are spanked may appear to comply, but the potential cost in emotional consequences is far too high.
06-29-2008 00:36
child counsellor and mother... wrote:
spanking
How sad and disappointing that a so called respected expert in child rearing endorses an approach that, if we were to use it on a stranger, might result in an assault charge. As long as we resort to physical punishments or threats of it as a way to control our childrens' behaviors, we continue to create societies that learn to resolve conflict and power struggles with violence.
In my nearly 30 years of child and family counselling, I have yet to meet a parent whose action of physical discipline or threat of it is not driven by anger and frustration .. which invalidates the argument that there is a place for spanking as long as it is not done in anger.
Children who are spanked may appear to comply, but the potential cost in emotional consequences is far too high.
In my nearly 30 years of child and family counselling, I have yet to meet a parent whose action of physical discipline or threat of it is not driven by anger and frustration .. which invalidates the argument that there is a place for spanking as long as it is not done in anger.
Children who are spanked may appear to comply, but the potential cost in emotional consequences is far too high.
06-28-2008 08:03
Amber wrote:
spanking
my daughter is 3 and is the most hard headed child you will ever see. I have tried time outs, withholding privliges, and offering rewards for good behavior, none of which worked. I finally spanked her and she listened immediately. I don't hit her hard and I explain to her why she is getting it. Nine out of ten times now all i have to say it "You're going to get a whipping if you don't start listening" and that is enough to straighten her up! This was after 1-3 spankings over the course of a week.
06-28-2008 06:40
George wrote:
Spanking children
Rosemond is quite correct. The little varmints need a good spanking once in awhile.
06-28-2008 06:36
Mrs. White wrote:
subject of spanking
I agree with spanking. There is a difference in "DISCIPLINING" and in "ABUSE". I agree spanking is beneficial if used "occasionally". When used as "THE MAIN" way of disciplining it looses it's effectiveness!! A pop on the rear verses hitting continually on the rear or anywhere else on the body should be considered abuse. Like everything else there is a "RIGHT WAY" & a "WRONG WAY" of doing things & like everything else it should be done in "MODERATION" & Responsibaly !!!!
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