From the ArcaMax Publishing, Parents Newsletter:
http://www.arcamax.com/news/parents/s-362718-329765
An Atlanta pediatrician sent me an article from the February issue of
Pediatric News describing research recently conducted concerning
tantrums in children ages 3 - 6. Intrigued, I spent some time on the
Internet reading other accounts of the study. I even left several
messages for the primary author, but haven't heard back from him at
this writing.
After studying 279 children, the researchers concluded that tantrums
in preschool-age kids may be indicative of fairly serious
psychological disturbances, including depression and behavior
disorders. Nearly half of the kids were so judged, in fact. But what
exactly does that mean? Does it mean they have something wrong with
them, a neurological abnormality of which their tantrums are symptoms?
That conclusion would follow from what's known as the disease model of
mental illness, a model that is used these days to justify the
increasingly common practice of giving preschool children psychotropic
drugs.
Another point of view is that tantrums beyond the third birthday say
more about the parents than the child. In that regard, from all that I
gather reading historical writings on children and talking with
parents who did most of their child rearing before the psychological
parenting revolution of the late 1960s/early 1970s, tantrums beyond
the third birthday were a rarity two generations and more ago.
I attended a child development conference in the late 1970s at which
the keynoter, child psychologist Burton White (The First Three Years
of Life), said that tantrums beyond the second birthday should not be
tolerated. White didn't define the exact nature of said intolerance,
perhaps because he felt that parents had enough common sense to figure
such things out on their own. But commonsense has since drowned in a
tsunami of psychobabble. It's no longer unusual for children as old as
six to still be acting like little lunatics when they don't get their
way-thus, the study.
The history of this phenomenon, as anecdotal as it is, strongly
suggests that things began to go wrong when American parents stopped
listening to their elders and began taking their marching orders from
professional experts (like me!). Up until then, children were
generally cherished, but the center of the American Family was
occupied by adults. Today, children are generally worshipped by
parents who face the center rather than occupy it. Kings, queens,
demigods, and dictators have always been given to tantrums. Today, the
Emperor/Empress wears pull-ups.
Needless to say, the longer tantrums are allowed, the more habit and
the worse they will become. And equally needless to say, children who
throw tantrums on a regular basis are not happy campers. This is
indeed a mental health issue, but there is no compelling evidence to
date that bad brains are the problem.
Intolerance does not require great drama. In fact, it is best conveyed
calmly, with little fanfare. Intolerance begins with never, under any
circumstances, giving in to a tantrum, even if one realizes that the
precipitating decision was a bit hasty. "Ignore them" is fine advice,
but does not take into account that tantrums have a tendency to follow
parents from room to room, escalating in the process. For that reason,
I generally advise assigning tantrums to a designated "tantrum
place"-some relatively isolated area of the house where rages can be
contained until they burn themselves out. Absent a more creative
solution, the child's room will do. In any case, a sturdy gate may be
necessary to persuade the child of the need to stay put. Obviously,
sturdy gates will not contain most 5-year-olds, which is why tantrums
should not be tolerated beyond the third birthday.
*About the Author: John Rosemond has written nine best-selling
parenting books and is one of America's busiest and most popular
speakers, known for his sound advice, humor and easy, relaxed,
engaging style. In the past few years, John has appeared on numerous
national television programs including 20/20, Good Morning America,
The View, Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect, Public Eye, The Today
Show, CNN, and CBS Later Today.
Click here to visit Rosemond's Web
site, www.rosemond.com.