From the ArcaMax Publishing, Parents Newsletter:
http://www.arcamax.com/news/parents/s-227888-518577
Note: This is a previously published John Rosemond column.
Question: My 2-year-old loves her 11-month-old little sister
and will play nicely with her most of the time. At times, however, she
gets excited and becomes rough. She recently bit her three times while
playing, and she will also try to wrestle her while hugging her and
laughing! How do I discipline the rough behavior, but encourage the
affection and playfulness?
Answer: You may well be giving your daughter mixed signals
about the roughhousing, acting upset on one occasion and then
understanding and patient on the next. Your 2-year-old knows what she
is doing, and she knows that she is causing pain to the baby. Your
reaction, therefore, should be one of stern disapproval, and
consistently so. Older sister needs to know exactly how you feel about
her rough treatment of her little sister, and in no uncertain terms.
My standard recommendation as regards this situation, one that has
solved the problem for lots and lots of parents, is to keep the older
child completely away from the baby for a week. During this time, set
a perimeter of approximately 10 feet around the baby and forbid the
older child from entering that "safe zone." Without communicating
anger, make it clear to your toddler that this new rule exists because
she hurts the baby when she plays with her. You cannot mince words
about this. After a week of quarantine, begin to allow brief,
supervised sessions where the 2-year-old can interact with the baby,
first touching, then holding, and so on. The week of deprivation
causes the older child to want to be with the younger one, and she
will figure out what she has to do to accomplish that. Over the next
week, you gradually allow more and more interaction. If, however, the
roughness starts again, you go back to square one. My experience is
that within a week or two, the problem is solved.
Question: I have recently assigned dish washing in the evening
to our 3-year-old. He's quite capable of doing the job, the only
problem being that he gets easily sidetracked. He quickly becomes
caught up in some elaborate fantasy involving soap, water, and the
dishes. As a consequence, it takes him a long time to get the three
plates, cups, and silverware washed. I don't feel quite right
punishing him, but I do tell him that he used up all his after-dinner
playtime doing his chore and now it is time for bed. Will he get the
hang of this in time, or should I do something different?
Answer: First, congratulations are in order. You are one of a
dwindling minority of parents who actually believe that young children
are capable. Most parents today think their children are gifted, but
treat them like fools. You have proven that not only can 3-year-olds
be trusted to do basic household chores, but also that there is hope
still left in the world.
As for the "problem" of his imagination getting in the way of his
focus, a child's imagination is in full flower during the fourth year
of life. Three-year-olds can easily become lost in their imaginings no
matter what they're doing. Since imagination is the root of all
creativity, not to mention fun, I encourage you to be content with the
fact that he eventually finishes his chore. The fact that he's used up
most of his evening by the time he finishes is of no consequence to
him, by the way. After all, he's just had more fun than adults can
imagine. Sometimes, one encourages growth in a child by simply staying
out of it.
*About the Author: John Rosemond has written nine best-selling
parenting books and is one of America's busiest and most popular
speakers, known for his sound advice, humor and easy, relaxed,
engaging style. In the past few years, John has appeared on numerous
national television programs including 20/20, Good Morning America,
The View, Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect, Public Eye, The Today
Show, CNN, and CBS Later Today.
Click here to visit Rosemond's Web
site, www.rosemond.com.