CRAFTY stands for:

Curiosity -- Ask questions skillfully so your child learns to think more clearly and understands more of their thinking and emotional processes.

Respect -- Allow your child to have and to express ideas that you might find uncomfortable or challenging. This does not prevent you from expressing your concern or your values, but it does help your child to recognize the existence of other modes of thinking. Respectful listening also requires patience, allowing people to finish their sentence and to develop their thought or argument.

Active -- Repeat back what your child has said, using some or all of their own words. You can even go further by reflecting something of the feelings they may or 'should' be experiencing.

For example: "So your best friend is being mean to you and that's why you are being mean?"
"I guess it hurts when your best friend is mean to you and maybe you feel sad because you're afraid you won't be friends again?"

By not discounting the validity of their feelings, you help them know that feelings are OK and that you respect them and their feelings.

Later, when you are both more relaxed, tell them, "I understand your feelings, but it is not OK to hurt other people just because you are upset."

Focus -- What we focus on grows. Focusing on always reassuring your child instead of seriously considering their feelings suggests these feelings are childish and unimportant.

For example: If they're scared, don't be condescending -- "Don't be silly, there's nothing to be afraid of!" - If you are, you reinforce the idea that it is not OK to be scared.

If you raise your voice or your hand when your child expresses anger, you are reinforcing aggression and violence.

If you focus on quieting your child when they are loudly expressing joy, they might replace a zest for life with reticence.

Thinking -- Be able to stand back, take a few deep breaths and be curious about what your child is trying to achieve with their behavior.

YES! Attitude -- Stay relatively cool, calm and collected. It can help you to keep your feet on the ground when your children are trying to drive you up the wall!

Crafty listening will help you to listen to your child in a way that facilitates self-awareness and helps them to develop emotional and communicative intelligence.