Message for Daily Living - Column by Zig Ziglar

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Addictions Make Relationships Difficult

Zig Ziglar

While getting a haircut, the barber, who has been cutting my hair for many years, was interrupted by a phone call. The conversation lasted no more than one or two minutes. When he hung up, he said to me, "This fellow wants to come to work with me as a barber, but he smokes." I commented that I was glad he was turning him down because the last thing I wanted to do was leave his shop smelling like smoke.

He explained that the guy certainly would not smoke in the shop, but the problem was that when he felt the urge to smoke, his mind would leave the client in his chair and go outside for the cigarette he was craving. He then elaborated by saying that when a client was in the barber shop, he wanted to make certain the barber was giving him his undivided attention, not thinking about the cigarette break he could take in a few minutes.

I have been interested in addictions for a long time and have learned that with the possible exception of crack cocaine, most addictions are acquired over a period of time. In most cases, you don't suddenly go from tobacco to heroin, nor do you go from weighing 140 to 250 overnight. Occasionally, the first drink of alcohol brings on an instantaneous addiction, but that is more rare than common. Most people don't become alcoholics after the first drink, though for some, that first drink does light the fire and an alcoholic is in the making.

What addictions do cause -- whether they are addictions to smoking, drinking, gambling, drugs, pornography, and so on -- is difficulty in building winning relationships. The reason is very simple. In each case, with some addictions being stronger than others, when a person needs a fix, a drink or a thrill, his or her thoughts are not with the person whose company he or she is enjoying. Their thoughts are on themselves and what they can do to get that fix, drink or thrill of pornography or gambling. And while thinking about those things, they are not in the process of building a good relationship with the person to whom they are attempting to relate, be it mate, child, associate or friend.

Actually, a lot of time is spent trying to figure out how to satisfy the addiction. Often, lies become a way of life. The wife gets a call from her husband -- he's going to have to work late again -- when in fact he is going to the bar after work to knock down a few drinks after his "hard" day. The drug addict starts dealing a little of her favorite substance on the side so she can support her habit, and when that's not enough, she might even resort to thievery or prostitution. The smoker is always on the lookout for good places to light up and avoids spending time with people who don't share the habit.

Addicts have long known that the chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. Any time we become self-centered (and that's what addicts are) we have trouble putting the other person's interests first, and friendships and winning relationships are virtually impossible.

My barber was thinking soundly for a lot of reasons when he decided not to bring the smoking man aboard. Addictions can do irreparable harm to the individual, then the family, then the business, then the community, and finally, the society.

Message: Watch those addictions. If you have one, there are incredible resources available to help you break your addiction. Many before you have successfully put down the substance that impacted their lives so negatively -- you can do the same. If you love someone with an addiction, there are resources for you as well. Don't be an enabler -- take the time to learn how to respond to your loved one's addiction.

To find out more about Zig Ziglar and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com. Subscribe to Zig Ziglar's free e-mail newsletter through info@zigziglar.com.

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Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.

This news arrived on: 09/21/2009

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