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Carolyn Hax / Life Advice

Trying Not to Be Awful

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn:

I am getting married soon. Today my sister (one of two bridesmaids) called to ask what time the wedding is. When I told her, she responded with, "Oh crap, I told someone else I would do something really important that day -- but of course I'll be there since it's your wedding and that's important and whatnot, but I may leave early."

Well the ceremony starts at 5 p.m. and she wants to leave at 6. Come to find out the "really important" thing she has that day is a friends dance recital.

Is it completely out of line and bridezilla of me to tell her she can do what she wants but unfortunately I'll have to make someone who can actually be there for me a bridesmaid instead of her?

-- Trying not to be awful

"Awful" is bagging out on your sister's wedding after an hour. Wow.

"Awful," but somewhat less so, is saying, "You can do what you want but unfortunately I'll have to make someone who can actually be there for me a bridesmaid instead of you."

Non-awful is to say, "I'm incredibly hurt that you want to leave my wedding for a friend's dance recital." It's not about your sister's ceremonial title, so don't approach it as if it is; this is about her not caring about your joy enough to stick around for it.

If your sister responds dismissively to your feelings (again) when you call her on the insult, then you can say, "If that's really the way you feel, then I'd rather you just didn't come."

...continued

Copyright 2012 Washington Post Writers Group



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