Carolyn Hax / Life Advice

Speed Dating Snapshot

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn:

A friend and I just attended a speed-dating event. She glowed. She wound up with something like 20 "very interesteds" on her contact card. She already has several dates lined up. I will add that she is only single because her last relationship ended due to distance.

Meanwhile, I was excited to participate, but somehow wound up feeling like a draggy frump and a bad conversationalist. Zero "very interesteds" and only a handful of "interesteds," meaning close to 90 percent of the people I met have no desire to see me ever again.

With the disclaimer that I understand these things are forced and don't mean anything in the scheme of things, I am feeling really, really down about myself. I feel like the night was a snapshot explanation for why I am unhappily single. Please knock some sense into me. Thanks.

-- D.C.

You had an off night. Any reason it has to be more than that?

Why, yes, there is a reason, she said, answering her own rhetorical question: Maybe history says you're not one to glow in circumstances like these. But even that's a narrow band of significance.

Please take it from someone whose own parents called her an acquired taste: Not acing the two-minute-conversation test means little besides "Don't seek happiness in someone you know for two minutes."

Judge yourself on the quality of your friendships. Artificial constructs can be useful in a limited way, absolutely -- as long as you also regard any failures in them in just as limited a way.

...continued

Copyright 2012 Washington Post Writers Group



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