From the ArcaMax Publishing, Jokes Newsletter:
http://www.arcamax.com/news/jokes/s-364597-851000
"Gay folks are now allowed to get married in San Francisco. All of
California. So right now, gay men are asking themselves the big
question: who's driving and who nags." --David Letterman
"I got to mention this right right away, 'cause we were all watching
it here at the show. At the U.S. Open, 32-year-old Tiger Woods came
back to beat 45-year-old Rocco Mediate. It was amazing. ... And
apparently, when he heard that a younger, African-American beat an
older white man, John McCain said, 'Uh oh. That's not good.'" --Conan
O'Brien
"Congressman Anthony Wiener of New York -- listen to this -- that's
his name. Yeah, he has introduced a bill that will grant immigrant
status, immigrant visas, to supermodels that want to come here. Well,
I have never been prouder to be an American. Of course, the nice thing
about bringing these foreign supermodels here, you don't have to worry
about them taking food out of American mouths. So that's one thing."
--Jay Leno
"John McCain is actively courting women over 60. And I'm thinking, who
does this guy think he is, Ashton Kutcher?" --David Letterman
"President Bush said that, after he retires, he wants to write a book.
... Bush said, he's not sure if it will be about politics or about his
personal life, but he is sure it will be a pop-up book." --Conan
O'Brien
"Tonight, we're going to examine the audacity of fear. You know,
there's an awful lot to be afraid of in the world. Terrorists,
tomatoes. ... There's one emerging fear that trumps all others.
Baracknophobia. It is defined as the irrational fear of hope. The
irrational fear that behind the mild-mannered facade, Barack Obama is
intent on enslaving the white race. It's true. Wake up, white people."
--Jon Stewart