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Tatoos. Having a tattoo with Chinese characters in it doesn’t make you spiritual. It’s right above the crack of your butt. And it translates to “beef with broccoli.” The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to pass your English exam. You’re not spiritual. You’re just high.

Wal-Mart. I’m not the cashier! By the time I get done sliding my friggen' card, entering my PIN number, pressing “Enter,” verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don’t want cash back, and pressing “Enter” again… the kid who’s “supposed” to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Snickers bar. Paper? Plastic? I don’t have time for that. I’ve just been called to do a cleanup on aisle four!

 


 

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