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Pregnant mom denies paternity; should dad also deny?

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: My 26-year-old son has just been told that his girlfriend of 10 years is pregnant.

The last five years have been rocky for them, to say the least. They had agreed to split up for good just before this happened.

Now, we are all in a very awkward situation -- especially my son. Above all, he needs to have a paternity test. He is ready and willing to support the child but not the child's mother.

Their relationship is so toxic that no good could come from them being together. The mother has told her doctors that the father of her baby is dead.

I have always considered her to be unique and quirky, but now I'm thinking she is unstable. I am more concerned for my son. I'm worried about how he will navigate this serious fact of his life. -- Probably Overly Protective Mom

Dear Overly Protective: Based on your account, it seems that all of the information you have about this pregnancy is hearsay. For instance, how do you know what this woman has told her doctor about the parentage of her unborn child?

 

Your son should see a lawyer (quickly) in order to determine his responsibilities and rights concerning this child. You all seem very skeptical, and so, yes, he should demand a paternity test. If he is the biological father -- but she is denying his paternity and he does not want to assume paternity, he could explore the possibility and the process of permanently terminating his parental rights.

However, because you seem to be trying to mentor your adult son through this, you should emphasize his rights and responsibilities versus how he can dodge his parenthood.

If your son is the father of this baby, and if the mother is as unstable as you portray her, then you should seek to be much more -- not less -- involved in the child's life. Parents with challenging and/or "toxic" relationships have to find ways to come together and communicate on a basic level in order to co-parent children. As the grandparent, you can play a very important role in conveying the stability that this child (or any child) needs.

Dear Amy: My daughter recently became engaged. Her father and I divorced more than 10 years ago and presently only speak to each other if there is an issue at hand.

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