Elderly alcoholic disrupts family dynamic
Dear Amy: My mother-in-law is a fun, smart, interesting 87-year-old alcoholic.
Her children have approached her about her excessive drinking, but she perceives it as one of the final joys in her life.
In addition to the health concerns, when she drinks she becomes belligerent toward her children, their spouses/friends and her grandchildren.
For years I turned the other cheek during her drunken tirades. That changed recently when she verbally assaulted one of her grandchildren, and I felt the need to come to their rescue.
My response had the immediate impact I was hoping for, and the next day she even apologized to her grandchild.
Unfortunately, since the incident she has refused to return to the house. She is telling my wife she doesn't feel welcome, and is threatening to stay away during the holidays.
My wife has asked that I go beyond just letting her know she is welcome to return. She has suggested that I apologize for speaking up. My wife is understandably concerned that at 87 her mother has a limited number of holiday seasons left.
How do I tactfully tell my mother-in-law that I want her to be with us, but not the side of her that appears after a few cocktails?
-- Upset Dad
Dear Dad: You did the right thing to intervene and confront your mother-in-law regarding her verbal abuse of her grandchild.
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