ArcaMax

Dear Amy: I am 55 and my significant other is 56. We are both divorced and have children from our previous marriages. I have a son and a daughter; she has a son and two daughters. They are all young adults.

We've lived together for about three years. Her 23-year-old son lives with us. He is a great kid with a few anxiety issues (according to his mother).

He spends a lot of time with his girlfriend at her house, and when he does not sleep at our house his mom will bring his lunch to work for him. She makes his lunch every day.

I don't really mind this -- I just want your opinion about whether this may keep him from being independent. She does everything for him. She cleans his room, does his laundry and picks up after him.

We do not ask him to do chores or charge him rent.

I brought this up and she said she was raised to help family.

I always helped with chores growing up. I don't mind helping him and want him to be successful. Should I ignore this and let mom do what moms do, or should I make it an issue? Would I be asking too much to give him a timeline to when he starts helping with a little room and board or some other responsibilities around the house?

He does pay his own bills. He also works close to 40 hours a week.

I work full time and pay all utilities and taxes. She works part time and pays for food, and she cooks and cleans. She has girlfriends who comment to her, "Oh, that's so nice."

Should I feel the same?

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